Day V and VI in Bhubaneswar - India trip January, 2024

 I don't use toilet papers here in Bhubaneswar. Be Roman in Rome. As toilet paper is to Subway sandwich, cold water is to Indian hot and spicy food, absolutely ablutionary and soothing.

A NRI (Non Resident Indian) visiting India once went shopping for Toilet paper. The store was out of it. Retorted the furious NRI, "What kind of store you have, you don't carry a necessity item like Toilet Paper ?" "Sorry Sir" - the storekeeper responded politely. We don't have toilet paper but we have plenty of Sand papers. TIKE ADJUST KARANTU ("Please adjust a little bit)".

OLA and UBER cab services are arguably the best thing to happen to the city in recent time. Just book them using your Smartphone App, you can see the cabs rolling in on the screen, doing on-screen somersaults before showing up at your doorsteps in minutes. 

The other day I took an UBER cab. As usual I never lose an opportunity to chat, even if that person is a stranger. Sitting next to him I started a tete-a-tete with the driver. Bit stiff initially, he slowly loosened up and boasted that he can slice his way fast through the clogged roads of Bhubaneswar, adept at it as fish is to water. He was planning to drive on till midnight that day and on long term until he goes over the hills over the wheels.

A late migrant from the district of Phulbani to Bhubaneswar, like many job seekers from the hinterland of Odisha he came to the capital city, his city of neon lights and opportunity. He landed up as a driver for UBEREY (Uber pronounced in Odia accent) after having a stint spending few years in its competitor company OLA. He shared a small room slong with 2 other OLA - UBER drivers with an unattached mosquito infested toilet located outside. Every month he sends money to his family in Phulbani. I asked him - "Why don't you go back to your village" ? He replied with a sigh, tired from a long day of stressful drive - "There is hardly any opportunities here. Here I am much better off having a job and save some money to feed mouths back home". The man made his point.

He also shared his frustrations of handling occasional fastidious, recalcitrant passengers, last minute cancellations et all. Like many he dreaded trips to Cuttack, for it's a challenge for him to drive in the labyrinth of lanes of the old city which prides itself on its 52 Bazaars and 53 Streets (BAUN BAZAAR, TEPAN GALI). He detested his customers of Silver City whom he found to be much more obnoxious and less rule abiding compared to those he encountered in Bhubaneswar.

I asked him - "How can you simply generalize like that" ? He continued - "Trust me, you haven't seen Cuttack". He was right. Though Cuttack is our neighboring city, I haven visited it no more than half a dozen times in my life. He went further - "The traffic in the new Capital city of Bhonsar is a walk in the park compared to Odisha's Old Capital city of Cuttack". I chuckled back - "I certainly see how every rule abiding Bhubaneswariya makes his or own road rules on daily basis. Cuttackias can't be any worse".

A la those who come to America rarely go back to their home country, those who once arrive in Odisha's capital are sticking it. The Bhubaneswar I grew up with has changed leaps and bounds over the years. Not everyone is happy about the immigrants, especially Bulu (a common nickname among Odias), the owner of a locally popular "Bara" Dokan (shop), a fast food stall barely 100 feet from our home. A proud, original inhabitant of Bhubaneswar he detests all outsiders.

The crowd outside his small kiosk vindicates his popularity. Odias love "Bara". Many don't get a bowel movement if they don't eat Bara for breakfast. Though tasty and okay for occasional consumption, it is unhealthy and produces a lot of gas. No wonder many Odias suffer from gastro-intestinal ailments. People of all sorts cluster around Bulu's Bara Dokan (kiosk). Those from the upper middle class and the nouveau riche of our locality send their domestic help to procure their breakfast. Many on their way to work stop by at this stall for an express breakfast consisting of half a dozen Bara soaked in Ghuguni washed down with hot tea.

All sorts of topics are discussed here. From the cold, bland ones like current weather condition to hot and spicy political gossips like Pandian being the de facto CM of Odisha, who will or will not get party ticket in the upcoming election - as hot and spicy as the simmering Bara dollops getting fried in hot oil. As Bulu the Chef moved around the dollops of "Bara" swirling and wobbling on the surface of boiling oil using his jumbo sized spatula, he exclaimed in an excited voice - "SALAA SABU GAON RU UTHI ASI KAHIBE AME BHONSARA RE RAHIBU" - All those brothers of the sisters I have seduced (SALAA means wife's brother, but in local lingo its usage suggests the speaker is the seducer of the sister of whom so ever concerned). They have come out of their villages with the desire to live in Bhonsara (Bhubaneswar). "RAJADHANI PANI, TANKU ANUCHI TANI - the water of capital city is luring them into it".

Bulu continued further - these folks used to live in squalors in their native villages got no civic sense. They come and live in GOLAM NAGARI (Slave city, ascribed to the rapidly developing portion of the city by those natives who pride themselves as the original city citi-gens), live like POKA - JOKA (insects and leeaches) in illegally constructed buildings. SALE SABU CHIPI HEI MARANTU (Let those guys whose sisters I seduce get trampled and perish). 

The tea and snack stall owner Bulu made his point loud and clear. He prides being the true blue blooded boy of Bhonsara, born in Kapileswar, one of the native villages constituting Old town, the real Bhubaneswar. But he is sad, feeling helpless, unable to evict the rusty, arrogant immigrants from his city. Least he can do to change the course of time other than whine about it.

"Baras" were now slowly starting to turn light brown from the spotless white dough made out of the soaked grams (lentils). It will take a few more minutes before they get ready. Bulu's unabashed character assassination of the new immigrants continued unabated as my takeout order of Bara was getting ready. Soon the discussion shifted to a spicier topic of someone's teenage daughter from the locality eloping with a smart boy who used to kill line (LINE MARUTHILA) that girl. I looked outside the small kiosk as a big gray bull dumped a fresh mound of shit only a few feet away from me as I could overhear more bullshit discussions going on behind me, akin to the bullshit which I peddle on Facebook on a daily basis.

I picked up my PARSALA order (the carry out or "to go" order is called PARSALA here, the way parcel is spoken in Onglish, i.e., Odia accented English). My order of a dozen of hot Bara costing me only Rs.36 (40 cents) was ready for pickup. A tasty family breakfast for 40 cents, fresh out of wooden clay oven - can't beat it. As he sprinkled some black salt over the dozen pieces of dark brown colored Bara in a THUNGA (Paper packet) along with couple of green chillies and handed over to me, Bulu delivered his final message - "AGYA BHONSARA RE AU RAHI HABANI - Bhubaneswar has become unlivable for us. Glad that you emigrated abroad". It was deja vu for me. He is not the only one who complains about Bhubaneswar, but hardly any one leaves the city. I haven't too, for like one's first love Bhubaneswar still remains close to my heart. More later..