My goutlandish story

 This April is a landmark for me. It's now a decade since last time I got Gout - a painful inflammation on my left toe. That was April, 2016. Glad so far I have been spared from getting a repeat bout of gout. Yet as always illnesses can be predictably unpredictable and have a knack of hunting you down at the most inopportune moment. Quoting Scarlett O Hara from Margaret Mitchell's classic movie Gone With the wind, "Tomorrow is after all another day".

My first bout with Gout was 16 years ago when I was in India in summer of 2010. One fine hot and humid morning I woke up to a painful, inflamed toe. It hurt pretty bad, even the slightest touch of the soft blanket on my toe gave me a throbbing, stinging pain. It was so bad that one evening I couldn't wear my  shoes and had to cancel my planned trip to Bhubaneswar Club, a place which mandates wearing shoes.
The first thought came to my mind was that it's was probably an insect bite which caused this lingering pain on my toe. I took several painkiller pills which gave me temporary relief, but the pain stubbornly refused to go away. Late Dr. B.K. Das, an eminent physician and my father's friend upon seeing my symptoms suspected it as gout. The lab tests soon confirmed it, finding my blood saturated with more than the normal amount of uric acid. Medicines prescribed by Braja Mausa reduced the pain, but it still persisted, with me walking with a perpetual limp like the legendary character SHAKUNI of BR Chopra's  MAHABHARAT serial from my college days, until the pain slowly relented after completing the full course of the medications.

Now fast forward to April 2016, almost 6 years later. My tryst with gout continued, as after years it showed at my toe step. This time on American soil as I woke up to a big, painful toe. My Primary Care Physician prescribed a medicine to reduce the pain and another to reduce my high level of Uric acid. The medicine acted fast and swiftly reduced the pain, but gave me severe diarrhea. Less than a day after I started taking the medicine, at my workplace a sudden urge to relieve myself hurried me towards the Restroom (toilet). Before I could bang through the door, my boss appeared right in front of me exchanging pleasantries, though my mood was hardly pleasant at that time.

Struggling to hold on to my bowel with a smiling face, I had to bear the imminent nature call with clenched teeth. Suddenly I remembered Shakuni ridiculing Duryodhan in B.R. Chopra's MAHABHARAT serial - "MURKH WOHI HAI JO RONE KI WAQT PAR HASTE HAIN" (Fools are those who laugh at the time of crying). My smile was now slowly turning into a helpless grin. You should have seen my face and captured it on camera. It would have gone viral with million plus hits on YouTube.

To my relief, my boss got a call on his cellphone and melted away, leaving me alone to attend my nature's call. The journey of less than 10 feet from the restroom door to the stall seemed eternal. I tip toed as fast as I could, sat, shat and burst myself. Ahh..finally I came out immensely relieved of both bowel and gout pain, which was now gone with the wind. It reminded me the story of the legendary Odia witty jester Gopal Bhanda who convinced his King that world's greatest feeling of relieving oneself after taking a huge dump in toilet.

Gout used to be known as the Rich man's disease during medieval times though me, a poor victim of gout is no where close to rich. Mughal Emperor Akbar had gout. His Hakeems (doctors) struggled to treat him. King of England Henry VIII had multiple wives and multiple bouts of gout. Protein rich, high purine foods like red meat, shrimp, crab, turkey, bean, beer etc are said to cause of very high Uric acid, leading to gout. But I know someone, a strictly vegetarian and frugal foodie who also gets periodic bouts of gout. Guess genetics plays a role here.
The prescription medicines are good at providing instant relief, but would like to avoid them as they're not free from side effects. Eating a balanced diet, drinking plenty of water and doing regular exercise are recommended to prevent gout. As always, prevention is better than cure. Thanks for your patience for hearing my goutlandish story. Glad gout has spared me for 10 long years though tomorrow is another day.

April Fool's day - 2026

 March this year ended with a lot of uncertainty with wars, high oil price, stubborn inflation and speculation of impending recession. But being an eternal optimist I can see light at end of the tunnel as nothing lasts forever, not even bad things which happens to us. The first quarter of the year is about to end and the next month starts with April Fool's day, the first day of a new week, a new month and a new quarter. Time to gather some Foolish anecdotes while stepping into the All Fool's day.

April 1 is named FOOL'S DAY, after Steve April. He was born on 1st April of year 1579. He started 105 businesses in his lifetime, but none of them ever succeeded, losing all his father's assets. So everyone started calling him father of fools. At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman who divorced him after a month because of his foolishness. He used to carefully read all kinds of fake stories like we are doing now on social media. So we are no less fools than him.

Every year, 1st of April comes with its share of April Fool jokes. Even when we were keep washing our hands to keep Covid and other diseases away last few years, we shouldn't wash off our sense of humor. A few year's back April Fool joke from Google was - "Equator found to be slipping. Australia at risk of becoming a Northern Hemisphere country by 2055". Many actually believed it.

Not a whole lot are aware of the fact that Equator is an imaginary line. Once Indian President Giani Zail Singh was flying above the Equator. His secretary humored him - "Sir, can you see the equator below" ?  Zail Singh responded "Yes. I can see it and a car is slowly running on it". What he actually saw, was a lice walking on his long strand of hair, which just happened to fall right in front of his eyes.

MIT, Massachusetts which has produced hordes of innovators and Nobel winning Laureates is known for sheer wit and sense of mischief from its bright and creative students. In 1998, on All Fools' Day, MIT's homepage was rebuilt to announce that the Walt Disney Company had bought the famed institute for $6.9 billion. In same year in Pittsburgh where I was living, 1st of April came with a freak snow storm - fooling all on April Fool's day.

One thing I can't fathom - Why the Utkal Dibas (Odisha day) coincides with the April Fool's day ? It would not have hurt our forefathers to chose 31st March or 2nd April instead. We have been living in a Fool's paradise ever since, fooled time and again by our leaders who have taken us for a ride.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you - said Joey Adams, American Comedian (1911-99). Happy Fool's Day.

When your Commander-in-Chief has no militarily experience

 In the movie Movie "Last Castle" released in year 2001, the legendary Robert Redford is a 4 star general who goes to a military prison. Inside the jail he meets the man in charge of the prison played by actor James Gandolfini who shows him around many military decors he had collected. Instantly replies Robert Redford - "These collectibles can be gathered by a man who had never stepped a day in a battlefield". Robert Gandolfini wasn't amused.

Same is the case of Donald Trump. The man, is a draft dodger who has never stepped on a battlefield is unfortunately the Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful Military on earth who is fighting a war of choice with no clear goal in mind without any end game.

Politically the Middle East is an extremely complex place and the American is making it from bad to worst in its quest to control global energy. Add to it the Israeli factor. It is the Jewish state who is trying to fix Iran by firing gun from America's shoulder. If it backfires (which it looks like), it is US which will feel the brunt of it. America has happily walked into Israel's trap. War is rarely a solution to a problem. Most war mongers I have encountered, whether they are proponents of war against Pakistan, Iran or Ukraine have one thing in common. Forget about fighting a war, neither they nor anyone in their 14 generations from both sides of family lineage have ever held a real gun.

The Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussain kept Iran under control by fighting a decade long war with its eastern neighbor. US and the Arab nations indirectly supported Saddam until he went rouge in 1990. He had a personal hatred for Iran and famously said - "God shouldn't have created 3 things. Sand, mosquitoes and Persians". America went to Iraq and created a huge vacuum by removing Saddam Hussain for Iranians to fill in the void.

Not having its bete noire Saddam to fear, Iran expanded its influence to Iraq which is Shia majority nation and has 60% Shia population. Then it wanted to be the champion of the  middle east by fingering Israel by publicly announcing to wipe it out from earth when the Sunni majority Arab world went soft on Israel, having a healthy working relationship with the Jewish state. At the same time, Iran funded terror groups like Hezbollah and Houthis, the former fights Israel and the latter fights Saudi Arabia. Iran failed to realize that as an isolated country it cannot fight Israel and antagonize the Arab states at same time as the Sunni Islamic world will never allow a Shia majority country to be the leader of the Islamic Ummah.

So, long story short, the Middle East needs a political solution, not military. America which is still the superpower is currently led by one crazy man who is doing exactly the opposite. Now let's look at the two other major global powers - China and Russia. China, though growing powerful day by day, is not in a position to take global leadership role to solve Middle East crisis. Russia is knee deep in the Ukraine war. So ironically countries like Turkey, Egypt and even Pakistan are now playing the role of the peacemakers. Middle East, what a mess ! May Vishwaguru save it.

Adversity to Advantage

 History has witnessed many instances of men and women turning their weakness and adversity into advantage which is the secret sauce of their success. Instances are plenty, but let me address a few in chronological order, with one example each from Ancient, Medieval and Modern age of history.

Samrat Ashok from 260 BC in Ancient India and Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb in the 17th century Medieval India are great examples of using their shortcomings as opportunities to turn the tides of fortune in their favor. Both killed their brothers to ascend the throne. Battle hardened, both eliminatrd their father's favorite, pampered and eldest son among others to ascend the throne.

Ashok was son of Bindusara and grandson of legendary Chandragupta Maurya. During his childhood a saint who came to Bindudara's court predicted that Ashok, not the the King's eldest son Sushim will follow him to powerful throne of the Magadh kingdom after killing all his brothers.

Bindusara ignored the  prediction. However his eldest queen and mother of eldest son Sushim was quite concerned. Apt at palace intrigues, jealous and insecure of her Souten's (co-wife and another queen) charismatic son Ashok's growing popularity, she succeeded in convincing the King to send Ashok to quell rebellion in some faraway province. While the eldest son Sushim stayed back, pampered in the Magadh court, Ashok polished his military skills by engaging with the enemies of the state. When he heard the news of his father the King's death, Ashok brutally killed his brother Sushim who tried to stop him at the gates of Magadh, followed by killing rest of his brothers (he purportedly didn't killed his brother from her own mother). As the Saint's prediction came true, the point is Ashok didn't whine about being banished out of the state at cost of his brother, the favorite to the throne, but used it as an opportunity hone his military strategy and acumen to go for the final kill when it mattered.

The medieval era Aurangzeb's case was slightly different. The brothers he killed were from his own mother's womb. The third son of the Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan, better known for building the famous Taj Mahal saw from childhood his eldest brother Dara Sikoh being pampered and groomed for the throne by no other than his father Sah Jahan. Dara's marriage in year 1633 to his cousin (cousin marriages were common among Mughals) was a costly affair. Historians have estimated that amount to be over $48 million in today's money which surpasses all display of opulence.

Aurangzeb noted the favoritism shown by his father to his eldest brother, breeding hatred and suspicion towards both. 25 years later in 1658 when Dara Sikoh was mollycoddled in Mughal court groomed to ascend the famous Peacock throne after Sah Jahan, the 3rd son of Sah Jahan was sent by his father on missions to distant Afghanistan and Deccan. Unfortunately for both father and his favourite son Dara Sikoh, this mistreatment of Aurangzeb produced a tough and experienced warrior. While the suave Dara sat with Pundits busy learning Sanskrit and translating Upanishad (a sacred Hindu text) to Persian, his younger brother became a hardened combatant learning all scheming and political maneuvering needed to fight a war. When push came to shove, the battle tested Aurangzeb not only defeated and killed Dara, he sent an imprisoned Sah Jahan the severed head of the old man's favorite son. Aurangzeb like Ashok before him used circumstances adverse to him to his advantage.

Now let's jump to modern era. Unlike Ashok or Aurangzeb, the case of Naveen Patnaik, Odisha's Chief Minister for 24 consecutive years is not about blood or bothers, but him using his inability to speak the native language Odia, his perceived shortcoming which he turned into positivity towards his advantage. He read the minds of the Odias pretty well as him not speaking Odia created an aura of exceptionalism and exclusiveness around him in front of Odisha millieu. Like these Emperors he is known to be politically ruthless and trusts no one. But his voters loved him, his suave and soft demeanor.

This part of his personality can be attributed to his legendary father who was rumored to have a low opinion of his youngest son. It is noted in a well researched book written by a reputed journalist that sometime during the early 1990s when Biju Patnaik was in his last and final tenure as the Chief minister, his Delhi based socialite son Naveen, a frugal visitor to the state suddenly dropped in with his British friend at the state capital (Now it's other way round. Naveen Patnaik rarely steps outside state). The father Biju Patnaik avoided entertaining the duo in his house and instructed one of his ministers to house them at a local hotel. This is one of several instances the Odia legend snubbing his son for reasons best know to him.

It is said that the son has paid it back by not being a big fan and protagonist of his legendary father's vision, except using his name for political gains. Yet, a la Aurangzeb who ruled the longest amongst the Mughals for almost half a century, the ignored son of Biju Patnaik eventually had the last laugh by ruling the state longest post independent Odisha has seen, with the possibility of ruling further if he is still around 2029. He is another example of turning adversity to advantage. No wonder, History loves to repeat itself. What was served as ruthlessly in ancient and medieval age has repeated itself in the modern era.

The saga of fountain pen

A part and parcel of our childhood memories, an ubiquitous paraphernalia of our early student life was the ubiquitous Fountain Pen. The first modern fountain pen was invented by an American, Lewis Waterman from New York, which revolutionized writing by making it less arduous.

Before that there was no plausible way for a continuous, capillary flow of ink. Many great writers had to contend with the pain of penning down their thought in a staggered manner, going through a tedious loop, the monotony of dipping the pen tip time and again inside the ink bowl to write. Our teachers carried multiple fountain pens inside their bulging shirt pockets. It was not unusual to see leaking pens spilling and blotting their shirts, causing embarrassments and occasionally spilling some beans.

The SULEKHA was the most popular brand of ink and Royal Blue being the more often used color, though I preferred black. The red ink was sparingly used, only for markings and notations by examiners. One had to be very careful while pouring ink after unscrewing the fountain pen, taking care not to spill it, lest it spoils your shirt and surrounding. During the hot weather or due to fewer usage, the nib of the pen would dry out. Shaking it off and letting the Newton's law of gravitation do the rest to make it workable. Sometimes widening the nib with an used razor blade also did the trick.

Razor blade serves multiple purposes. Once in my first job I met a guy from Barhampur, Odisha who came for an interview. Staring at his stained teeth due to over consumption of PAAN (Betel leaves with scented tobacco) I asked him - "Don't you think you need to clean your teeth before your interview" ? He snarled his brown teeth at me - "AJI RAATI RE. TOOPAAZA (Topaz) BLADE NEI DAANTA KURRIBARRA EKKA (Tonight using Topaz blade I will extract all the stains out of my teeth). Not sure if he ever got the job.

The iconic movie 3 IDIOTS pokes fun at our education system - our tendency to prefer complex solutions over simple ones, deliberately obfuscating versus common sense. At beginning of movie the Director of the Engineering College boasts in front of his students showing a pen he designed to work in space, where there is no gravitational pull to pull the ink downwards. The pragmatic yet playful Rancho played by Aamir Khan retorts back with a simpler solution - "Why don't they use pencils in space" ? As they say in Hindi "BADI BADI KHUSIYA HEY CHHOTI CHHOTI BATON MEIN" (Big happiness lies in small talks). The audience instantly burst into laughing after Rancho's impromptu response.

Back to fountain pen, its ink had many multipurpose usages - especially in our school aptly named as Demonstration Multipurpose (DM), a school with a high visibility in Bhubaneswar those days. One fine morning we boys decided to demonstrate the multipurpose utility of our fountain pens. Someone came up with this brilliant, creative idea of using the pen to bring out more playful joy and do justice to its potential of used other than using it for writing. Play HOLI with the fountain pen.

He wetted and painted the back of the front benchers by surreptitiously slashing some blue ink from behind. The front benchers did same by replicating it and passing the buck to the guy ahead of him. By afternoon, most of the guys looked colorful, their starched white shirts now converted to blue and black Polka dotted Hawaiians. Our martinet sports teacher, Hannan Sir spotted us spotted leopards and tried his best to get to the bottom to dig out the culprit who started it.

Like "NIRMULI LATA" or rootless creeper, which curls it's way from plant to plant, making it is very difficult to trace its roots, our teacher's curiosity to trace its source was futile. In spite of his best efforts, he could not get to the root of the matter. Frustrated, he punished all of us by forcing us into a tiring run around a field, along the edges of Eucalyptus trees. The Holi celebration written in ink had an unholy ending as no one ever dared to play this ink throwing game again.

Towards the end of the 1980s the  Fountain Pen started dying a slow, natural death, unable to compete with ball point pens which slowly took over. The Reynolds brand, unique of its kind and only available in Bhubaneswar those days were so popular that I used to get big orders and acted as a mule, carrying bagfuls of them to my eagerly waiting Engineering College friends in Rourkela.

Have you observed that no matter what, when you use some one's pen it has certain inertia associated with it. For a few more minutes it is not unusual for one to get this ghostly feeling of possessed by the last owner, as your handwriting tends to take the shape of the previous user of the pen. It had made me wonder how come my handwriting suddenly got better.

Now writing with a fountain pen is going to be of mountainous proportion, a real pain. Only left are nostalgic memories to cherish, which is going to die with our generation, as photo films, telegram and handwritten letters did. Wish you all had a Happy and Colorful Holy-day sans ink. 

Our social media warriors

 The ongoing Israel-US's war on Iran has set cat amongst pegions within social media in India. Many hitherto united due to their hatred against current Modi-BJP disposition are not only highly divided about a war where the Government of India has taken a neutral stance, they are rabidly warring among themselves more than the current war, being already divided and taking opposite sides. It is often outrageous and occasionally outright funny to see their clash of thoughts and watch them debating on social media. Those having opinions about the ongoing war in the Gulf fall into the following categories.

1. The Indian Liberals - especially those from an Eastern state of India known to have a long Commie leaning are not unexpectedly staunchly anti-USA although their idol Russia and comrade China have long relinquished communism and have a perfectly working relationship with the United States. America is certainly not above criticism and they have every right to be critical of its policies. But here comes their hypocrisy - they don't send their kids to Moscow or Beijing, rather to Marlyland or Boston and try their best to get American Visa for themselves. (One of my college mates and a huge critic of America had his US Visa rejected). If Hypocrisy would be an event in the Olympics, they would win Gold medal hands down.

2. Hard core Bhakts and supporters of Modi/BJP - They love to hate Iran and have a crush on Israel. Since time immemorial they have been cheering every time the Jewish nation bombs Hamas, Gaza or Iran. Some of them even address Israel as "Salom Dost" (salute my friend). Don't think common Israelis ever reciprocate in same frenzy and address us Indians as "Namaste Mitron". Even if Modi hugged Netanyahu (the later reciprocated the former's hug by an apparently uncomfortable embrace not to be seen as diplomatically impolite in public), the Israeli Prime Minister's "Fraandly" response was more strategic than any meaningful friendship with Modi. I am sure the Isreali commoners share the same feelings, without having any great love for us.

A few of them who are rabid Muslim haters are supporting Iran because of their antipathy towards Trump ever since the American President, once the darling of India's right wing now turned into rabid Trump/America haters. They are behaving like jilted lovers ever since their idol Modi was ditched by his Fraand Dolaand for his new love Pakistan. They come with their own confused defense of their support for Israel but opposition to USA - we stand with the Iranian public but are against their Ayotollah leadership. They are against American attack on Iran, at same time they're for Israeli attack on Iran, as if the results of their attacks are any different. Have you ever heard of more confusing opinions ! Regardless, the deserve a Silver medal in hypocrisy.

3. Indian Muslims - No surprise or hypocrisy here. They were anti Israel and Trump from the beginning, they are still now. Most of their love towards Iran dwell on religious affinity rather than understanding of the complex Middle East crisis. While they are critical of killing of innocents in Gaza (I too consider killing of innocents as inhuman), they are conspicuously silent of the attack by Hamas on innocent Israelis and the atrocious atrocities of the Iranian Mullahs on their own citizens, especially women. Bronze medal in hypocrisy goes to them.

Regardless of what's happening in the Middle East, the issue is too complicated to be solved militarily. A long term political solution is the key no one is talking about. Forget laymen like us, even professional foreign policy analysts have no clue about any long lasting solution. Middle East, what a mess !

Happy Women's Day

 There is a song from Amitabh Bachchan's blockbuster movie "KHUDDAR" which was released in the year 1982 where the tall actor who was the unquestioned Superstar, King and the one man Bollywood industry sings onscreen the Kishore Kumar's song -

"MAA KA PYAAR, BEHAN KYA PYAAR,
KABHI KABHI DULHAN KYA PYAR,
TERE PYAAR KA RANG HAZAAR".

Roughly transliterated...

"Mother's love, Sister's love,
Sometimes the love of the beloved,
Their love comes colored in thousands".

March 8 being the Women's day reminded me of this song from my teenage years. The love of mother and sister is in its purest form, precious and unadulterated, like the clear Spring water bubbling out of the top of a glacial mountain. It is perennially pristine, unequivocally soothing, unwavering and unflinching. When I go to India, my mother's hug and caressing hands used to feel so soothing, something I longed for days, months and years. Mother's love is panacea to all ills plaguing mind and body, heart and soul. Unfortunately she is no more. I am yet to get over the loss and probably never will.

The love of the beloved comes next, with the disclaimer of "Kabhi Kabhi" (sometimes) tied to it. It reminds me of another Bollywood movie titled "DULHAN WOHI JO PIYA MAN BHAYE" - "Beloved is the one who keeps her Lover happy". In my opinion, it applies other way round too. It is also the duty of a lover to keep his beloved happy, the men to keep their women happy, yet our misogynistic society rarely mentions about it. (Bollywood is still a misogynistic institution, filled with nepotism and hypocrisy. Otherwise how could be a silly movie like "Animal" released few years ago where a woman asks a man to lick his shoes be a big hit making millions) ?

But unfortunately with the progress of time, in the age of cutting edge technology where thoughts can fly in twinkle of an eye, Artificial Intelligence (AI) and Robots are replacing humans, the world has become anything but respectable to the fairer sex. Women are still belittled, harassed, persecuted, suffer from inequality and often treated as sex objects. There are plenty of stories of battered women, not from slums but from the so called elitist families. Discussing it here is beyond the scope of this blog. But I can say with confidence that I personally know many Indians and folks of Indian origin here in America boasting openly about treating their women as doormats, humiliating their wives in public like drop of a hat to prove their masculinity and indulged in rampant cheating.

I am now reminded of the Hindi saying - "MUCHHE WOHI RAKHTE HAIN JIN KE APNI MARDANGI PAR SHAQ HOTI HAI". Roughly transliterated it means - "Those who keep Moustache are those who got doubts on their masculinity". Similarly, those who needlessly boss over their women have an inferiority complex about their masculinity. I remember a scene from movie "ARJUN PUNDIT" where actor Sunny Deol slaps actress Juhi Chawla. An angry and humiliated Juhi retorts back - "AGLI BAAR IS HAATH KISI MARD PE UTHANA (next time you better try hitting a man using this hand of yours). I consider it isn't masculinity, rather a cowardly, despicable act to physically hit a woman universally considered as the weaker sex.

One guy, who doesn't live very far off from me well known for conquering whores once bragged in front of me that women should be treated as slaves and physically beaten, then quoting an Odia proverb to drive his convoluted logic -

"NAARI, GADHA, BHRUTYA AAU  DHOLA,
TANKU JETE BADEIBA SETE BHALA".

Roughly translated

"Women, Donkey, Servants and Drum,
The more you beat, the better they Perform". 

It made me feel sick to my stomach. I told him impromptu on his face in no uncertain terms, LOUD and CLEAR, that I COMPLETELY DISAGREED with him and believe that beating women, animals or servants is not only utterly disgraceful, it is cowardice, despicable act and the ultimate form of indecency. 

The fairer sex is no more the weaker sex. Things are changing of late, though not as fast we would desire. Still facing hurdles in their life, women have come a long way, matching mano to womano. They have succeeded, equalled and even bettered men in myriads fields. We still have some catch up to do and miles to go before achieving the gender equality of accepting women as equals. On the occasion of Women's Day I salute all women who have made a significant difference to my life, contributing to it, shaping my knowledge and character, like a potter shaping pottery out of clay. Happy Women's Day to all !!!