TU, TUME and APANA

 The words TU, TUME and APANA in Odia, though all carry the same meaning are three different ways of addressing. In Hindi its counterparts are TU, TUM, AAP. The choice of words to address depends on the familiarity and strata in society of the person at the receiving end. Basically all stand of the equivalent English word "You". English language doesn't distinguish a person addressed as "you".

In Odisha it is common to address one's mother, brothers (especially the younger one in Brahmin families) and friends (on basis of familiarity), or people of the lowest strata in society with "TU". Sisters in Odia families are normally addressed as "TU" irrespective of she being older or younger than you. The next layer of addressing - TUME or TUM (in Hindi) is reserved for the more respectful uncles, spouces, boy-girl friends (depends) and people at the next level of stratum.

APANA (Odia) or AAP (Hindi) is reserved for the best, the elderly folks, teachers and those at highest strata of society. It is a way of courtesy extended to others. I am now reminded of this stanza from a song in the Hindi movie BOBBY, "JAISE Lucknow KI DO NAWABON KI GAADI PEHLE AAP PEHLE AAP KARTE NIKAL JAATE HAIN" - "as two vehicles carrying Royals of Lucknow, a place known for etiquette request each other to go first when they get into a Deadlock situation at road intersections when two drivers are stuck, requesting the other one to go first. Such courtesy extended in Lucknow is rarely extended elsewhere, certainly not on the roads of Bhubaneswar.

Sometimes a change in social status, in relationship or otherwise, changes the way of addressing. In most arranged marriages the couples address each other as TUME (TUM). In case of marriages preceded by dating (dating in India may not be exactly the American way of dating) or in the so called love marriages as known in local parlance (in most cases it's less love, more like self arranged marriages based upon convenience). During the pre marital courtship the couples are known to address themselves as TU (if they are classmates of close age) but post marriage at least the bride addresses groom as TUME (TUM). It's complicated.

Post marriage the inertia of TU addressing continues like Newton's law of motion, unless an external factor like mother-in-law forces the girl to address her son with the more respectful TUME. It is less common, though not unusual for the husband forced to switch from TU to TUME as the girl yearns for more respect.

In arranged marriage, the bride and groom usually call each other TUME or TUM, though in some cases for the husband to address his wife as TU (our's is still a male dominated society). It's not unusual for such couples to come down addressing with TU, when they fight or get down to the basic instincts, as TU is the base way of addressing.

I have seen the dilemma in some cases addressing when someone's elder sibling gets married. A person, who forever had addressed his elder brother as TU, finds it little odd to address his BHAUJA or BHAVI (brother's wife) as TUM. Eventually he or she adjusts (another ubiquitous word, we adjust a lot in our society).

Once upon a time, Bhubaneswar was filled with Cycle Rickshaws. Everybody from our generation has yelled "HEY RICKSHAW JIBU" (O' Rickshaw will you go). Now it's replaced by HE AUTO JIBA or JIBE KI ? (O' Auto, will you go). A rickshaw puller was rarely called JIBA KI (better respected expression) and Auto driver is rarely called TU or JIBU (least respected expression). Either denizens have become more respectful, or the transformation from a Rickshaw puller to Auto driver has catapulted them to the next social strata to command respect. 

In English language it's always you, you and only you. Can't resist mentioning this two liner Odia limerick from childhood :

AGYAN APANA TUME TU,
TUMA MUHARE KUKURA MUTU

Respected base(you), better (you) and the best(you),
May a dog pee on the face of you.