Last phase of UP elections - 2017

The election in India's state of Uttar Pradesh, popularly known by its acronym UP is entering its final phase. Politically important, with a population of nearly 300 millions it would be the 4th most populous country in the world by itself, slightly less than the population of United States (I am sure when the next Assembly election is held in the state, it would have surpassed USA population). 

The results are still uncertain. As complex Castism and Communalism is the leitmotif of cowbelt politics, it is a nightmare for any Psephologist worth his salt to correctly predict the outcome. Of late, there seems to be a slight uptick in the fortune of BJP, as the Upper castes, especially the Brahmins seem to rally behind the party. Though only 15% of the electorates, Brahmins are influencial is shaping the outcome, especially in Eastern UP where the election will be held in its last phase.

No where the Brahmins wield more influence, than the Temple city of Varanasi (also referred by its Anglicized name Benarus). It shares a lot of culture and customs with its cousin, the temple township of Puri, Odisha. Folks from both Puri and Varanasi have a passion for KUSTI (Wrestling) and BHANG (cannabis). Both contain huge cremation grounds, SWARGADWAR (Gateway to heaven) of Puri by the sea and huge burning pyres on the GHAATs (banks) of Ganga in Varanasi.

Reminds me of this funny episode narrated by a friend of mine from this city from Easten UP, a guy well connected to the family of Kamalapati Tripathy, erstwhile Congress MP and central cabinet minister during Indira Gandhi's time, who hailed from an influential Brahmin family from Benarus.

During a cabinet meeting, Indira Gandhi once asked Kamalapati, then Railway Minister, "Tripathy jee, BabuJagjivan Ram (his minister colleauge from CHAMAAR or Cobbler caste) complains that you don't eat your meal seating next to him." "Madam, I don't even eat seating next to you, forget about him", came the prompt response from KP Tripathy. 

Indira Gandhi, a born Brahmin, lost her Hindu status after her marriage to Feroz Gandhi, for which she was never allowed inside the Puri Jagannath temple. Kamalapati Tripathy, a Brahmin from Benarus two generation ago, wasn't exactly expected to break breads with someone from Scheduled caste.

It has to be seen how Benarus, a prestigious seat who flipped its MP to PM of the nation, shapes the electoral map of the state in absence of the Modi wave which swept Eastern UP in 2014. No one expects a repeat and I have a hunch the next phase will determine the ruler of Lucknow.

Though this is an Assembly election where folks vote on local rather than national issues, BJP's campaign solely hinges on Modi. It might be deliberate, as he doesn't want any national leader of stature to rise in the politically vital state of UP - who can be a potential future power center and threat to him. 

Modi, a wily politician, who has outboxed his old, faddist and obscurantist rivals, has exactly trodden the same path. He knowns very well, how many from his own party bigwigs dreading competition from regional satraps, had always kept him on the sidelines, until the party was left without options.

Also, Modi being the one man campaign army has taken the risk of over exposure. BJP's strategy of taking risk in going for the kill solely with Modi may turn out to be an overkill. But no gain has ever come without risk taking and our PM from Gujarat is known to be a calculating risk taker. Come March the 11th, the day of reckoning and counting, we will find it.

Charlie Wilson's War and Om Puri as Zia

I am so glad and proud that tribute was paid to the talented Indian actor Om Puri at yesterday's Oscars. Reminded me of Tom Hank's CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR, a mixture of American politics and geopolitics, where Om Puri played the role of the Pakistani Dictator Zia Ul Haq.

Charlie Wilson, played by Tom Hanks was a Texas Cingressman who was instrumental in the defeat of the then USSR in Afghanistan which led to the end of Cold War. His efforts in funding and arming the Mujahideens dragged the erstwhile Superpower into a quagmire, eventually ending up in its defeat and ending the Cold War.

In a Scene Tom Hanks arrives in Pakistan and received by its President General Zia Ul Haq, played by our Om Puri. Zia introduces himself, flanked by his trusted aids, General Mehmood and Bigadier Rashid. He welcomes Tom Hanks - "You must be thristy after a long flight, what can we get for you". "Yes, I need a glass of any Rye, Bourbon Whiskey topped over Ice". 

Zia and his Generals are flustered as Tom Hanks looks with bewilderment.

"Sorry, Mr. Congressman. Alcohol is not served in Presidential Palace", goes on Zia, as his obsequious Army men let their Supreme leader speak. "Ok, I guess I can get it at US Embassy, let's get on with our agenda", said Tom Hanks. (The American Embassy in Islamabad is said to be a marvel, an institution by itself, with the US Ambassador ascribed as the Viceroy of Pakistan).

When Zia visits America, he is eulogized as the man who didn't kill Bhutto, rather the Pakistani judiciary found the ex-PM guilty (It's akin to saying, I didn't fart, rather my ass farted). Also to keep Zia in good humor and unoffended, no alcohol was served at his felicitation.

As Tom Hanks offers $10 million as help, Zia (Om Puri) and his both acolytes in chorous pooh pooh the amount as peanuts to arm the Mujahideens against the well armed Red Army. (I heard the Pakistanis are good at bargaining, the movie protrays it quite well). Tom Hanks goes on - "We supplied you F-16s". "But you didn't give us the Radars and spare parts, but gave it those the Israelis" - Zia protested.

Oh well, the Congressman chuckles, "Israel is a different story, General". (Flashback, in another scene Tom Hanks confides to Julia Roberts that Jews have elected him from the Texan 2nd Congressional District. "How many Jews are there in your district, Charlie" ? " Seven families, but the Jewish lobby bankrolls my Campaign", responds the Congressman.

After meeting Zia, Tom Hanks proceeds to Israel. "This is the front of the Cold War", says Hanks to an Israeli arms dealer, a secret Mossad operative. They go to Cairo to get weapons appearing to be Soviet made, to be handled to the Mujahideens. (America wasn't interested in turning the cold war to hot. Weapons used by Mujahideens looking emulating the Soviets would help US take its hands off if needed).

Tom Hanks manages to get more money approved by the Congress. The Stinger missiles (Osama Bin laden was one of those trained by CIA to use them) cost  $50,000, brought down Soviet planes costing millions, bringing the erstwhile Superpower to its kness. With a long, persistent drought and heavy loss the Superpower was imploding, with their economy taking a hit. 

A frustrated USSR which was already on the backfoot, approached Zia to send a rapprochement message to America when he visited Moscow to attend Breznev's funeral. But the shrewd Zia who who knew what way the wind was blowing and not to ebb the flow of the American lagress, kept quite.

No sooner Gorbachev, the Child of Change came with his "Glasnost and Perestroika", than he ordered the withdrawal of a badly bleeding Red Army. But all wasn't forgotten. Though the Cold War came to an end, it's rumored that the Russians who never forgot or forgive, assassinated Zia who died in a mysterious air crash in August, 1988. Nevertheless, Om Puri perfectly played the role of the Pakistani military dictator in that movie, earning his tribute at the Oscars.

Remembering Chanakya and Nostradamus

Nostradamus is back in news again. If the noisy chatters in the Social media is to be believed, the legendary French clairvoyant of 16th Century predicted the arrival of Donalus Trumpus, who will lead the mankind to World War III.

The bearded Clairvoyant was known to have correctly predicted about the rise of Napoleon, both World Wars and even named Hitler as close as "Hister" nearly 500 years ago. One of his numerous accurate predictions was the rise of the New Land, as the present day America was then referred to as superpower, with a Black President at the turn of the 21st century.

Nostradamus wrote all his predictions in cryptic form in a book he named as "Centuries". But now, after any major event occurs in the world is attributed to him, never before it. E-mails and social media posts about his predictions go viral, translated from cryptic Gothic to sensible meanings by myriads of self proclaimed translators, a la a computer translating binary code to readable text.

During my college days a common question in Quiz competitions was to name the great psychic and clairvoyant from France - the answer to that was Nostradamus. Those days his name was enough unheard to be part of any quiz questionnaire, a trivia for the challenged minds. But not anymore. His name is way too commonly mentioned these days to be part of any trivia game.

After the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center e-mails (then no social media was there) started circulating about Nostradamus's predictions - "At 45° (the latitude of New York) Big birds(airplanes) will strike the heart of the most power nation" blah blah. Regarding India it is said he predicted that the Queen (Indira Gandhi) who would rule India will be assassinated, followed by her son.

Nostradamus also supposed to have predicted the arrival of the Messiah Narendrous Modus (Narendas Modi), who will be chosen over the "Moronous Rahulus Gandhus (Rahul Gandhi)". Modus Operandi of Narendas Modus will take India to great length, breadth and heights of success, says his prediction.

However, the legendary seer is conspicuously silent on Odisha, probably outsourced to our own MAALIKA PANJI, the Odia version of "The Centuries". Not sure if there is print version of it or anybody has ever read it - it supposedly predicts "BAAISI PAHANCHE KHELIBA MEENA (The legendary 22 steps leading to the Jagannath temple of Puri will be submerged in water with Fish playing on it). It was expected to happen during the tropical Cyclone Phailin, but our Lord Jagannath decided to take a Rain Check.

Waiting eagerly to see the next "Donalus Trumpusqe" or "Narendrous Modisque" predictions, I can't miss stories attributed to Chanakya circulating on social media, the legendary teacher, master, strategist and political adviser to the Emperor Chandragupta. Here is one - One night he receives a visitor who finds the witty Minister doing Court work in the dim light of an Oil lamp. 

Chanakya asks the visitor - Is your visit official or personal ? "It's personal MAHA AMATYA (Chief Minister)", said visitor. Chanakya blows away the lamp and lights another. The bewildered visitor asks Chanakya about his strange behavior. The smart Amatya comes with his ready wit - the first lamp I used was for the official business, the money for the oil comes from the Royal treasury. Now I am talking to you on personal matters, I switched to the other lamp whose oil is paid by the salary I receive. His point well taken, the visitor could not stop admiring the Guru's wisdom.

Hundreds of quotes are attributed to Chanakya - from right punishment for right crime, to whom to trust or not. Now it's my turn to trust how much of his Chanakya NEETI (treatise) is true to trust or not. In this age of random, rampant fake news, I need to trust my instinct to chaff out the fake from the real ones.

The lure of Neon lights and Trump's decision to deport Illegals

Trump's plan to deport 11 million undocumented illegal immigrants are mostly of Hispanic origin, though it include an estimated 300,000 number of Indians. I think most illegals of Indian origin rather jumping borders, jump the visitor and dependant Visas by overstaying, never to return to their motherland.

Years back, an Odia officer from IFS (Indian Foreign Services) was posted in America. During the course of an interaction with him, the gentleman narrated an interesting episode of his own. 

Per Foreign ministry rules, he was entitled to bring a helping hand - an euphemism for servant. So he brought a semi-educated married, young man with family back in his village in Cuttack, India thinking he would be least likely to elope or escape. Or so he thought.

The officer, a bachelor, spent long days and evenings at work, often eating outside. Having nothing to do at home and getting bored watching TV in those days sans Cell phones and Social media, his "helping hand", popularly known as CHAKARA TOKA in Odia or NAUKAR in Hindi, helped himself by going around the city.

Slowly he started getting a taste of American life. One fine morning he absconded without informing his employer. Our IFS Babu (Officer) anticipated that his fellow Odia must have melted away, gobbled by the gargantuan city as an undocumented illegal immigrant, doing some odd job.

His suspicion turned out to be true. One evening he was in an Indian Restaurant where he saw his ex-helping hand  mopping the floor. No sooner their eyes met than the later turned away and fled. Our officer bro chased him for a while, calling his name at top of his voice, that he is going to forgive him and his folks at home are now a worried lot. 

It had no effect on the CHAKARA TOKA, as he vanished in the labyrinth of the parked vehicles. If the officer wanted he could have followed up with the local authorities to trace him out. But he let him go, allowing his co-villager pursue his American dream, returning back, gasping like the Cheetah on National Geographic Channel after a failed  attempt to catch its pray.  

The Odia escapist would never have gone back to see his family ever again. Due to expiry of his Visa and lack of proper document, he could have forever settling down here as one of the estimated 11 million plus illegal undocumented workers in America. No question he fell to the lure of neon lights and the desire to stay in the Coke land by hook or crook. Thus ended the story of the Officer and the Gentleman from his native Cuttack.

Illegal immigrations will continue as long as people perceive America as the land of opportunity and find a job. Only if they are unable to find work, they can be tempted to go back. That won't happen as long as businesses have a vested interest in hiring illegals by paying them peanuts to further fatten the fat cats and the unemployed would prefer to stay on welfare than doing menial jobs. The powerful business lobby as well as the liberal organizations like ACLU (I sense a Business backing there too) want them to stay. 

Trump has stirred a hornet nest by trying to keep his election promise and doing more than lip service by his latest attemp to deport them. He has an herculean task on hand. Only time will tell how far he succeeds in his mission.

Shivaji - The solitary Indian success story

Yesterday, 19th of February was the 385th Birth Anniversary of the legendary Marathi King and Warrior "CHHATRAPATI SHIVAJI". Unique of his kind, arguably the solitary Indian success story of a historical figure who outsmarted the more powerful occupants ruling India at the time, giving the last Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb a run for money.

Unlike the Rajputs, who were brave but a infighiting lot, lacking foresight, Shivaji was a pragmatic strategist who revolutionised the art of warfare in India. For him victory was the only morality of war as he relegated, and rightly so, the concept of DHARMA YUDHA (Righteous War) to the background. 

He relied on launching swift attack, leading a classic guerilla warfare which demoralized Aurangzeb by tying him down south of Deccan, eventually acting as the harbinger of the end of the Mughal empire. No wonder the last Emperor nicknamed Shivaji as "The Mountain Rat", as the later would surreptitiously attack and vanish after vanquishing and causing havoc in the enemy camp.

Shivaji's strength was his modus operandi, the element of surprise in his attack. He had a good knowledge of the mountain territory of the Western Ghats and took full advantage of it. His fearless Maratha Army led by able generals like Tanaji would launch tightening attacks - first by rolling huge boulders on them from top of deep mountain passes, causing disarray in the enemy camp, followed by cavaliers of the marauding Marathas swarming and slaughtering them.

The mighty Mughal army conisting mostly of soldiers from Northern Plains had no clue against what hit them. For Shivaji would give them no opportunity to regroup and fightback by choosing his own time, terms and venue to launch attacks of his own chosing, to his advantage.

Some of his attacks often took place in the unconventional hours in the middle of nights and in pouring rains, when his army would pounce on his unsuspecting, sleeping opponents like bolt from the blue. Shivaji relinquished the warfare involving huge cannon carrying Chariots and Elephants, not adept and difficult for swift maneuvering and unsuitable for mountainous terrains. He thrived on his small but swift counterattacks involving light brigades with immense success.

When he sensed the tide turning with an impending defeat stared at him, he was known to make a tactical withdrawal to fight another day. As early as in the 17th century, Shivaji fought a classic guerrilla warfare against his much fancied opponents - using the  palpable winning combination of launching surprise attacks and tactical procrastinations to the most opportune moment. He also kept his opponents at by carrying an efficient spy network, although the Marathas were solidly behind him, with hardly any instances of culpable treachery.

Interestingly the foresighted Shivaji understood the long term threat posed by the British, who were traders at that time. He wrote to one of his officers, "The English are no ordinary traders and money lenders, behind them stands the power of a mighty state. They are so clever that they will steal right under your nose without you even knowing it. Be very cautios while dealing with them:. How prophetic he was.

BADIPODA - Die from Cholera

During my childhood days, I often used to spend long Summer vacations in my village, not far from the temple town of Puri. One commonly used GALI (rebuke) was BAADIPODA. Growing up in Bhubaneswar, I wasn't familiar with this slang, meaning "Barbecued from Cholera" - a Death Wish curse to perish from a malignant, dangerous disease of dysentery and dehydration.

It's not C**dom, but Cholera which kept India's population under control couple of generations back. Life then was a matter of surviving the next cholera season (small pox season was a close second) which would often wipe out entire families, leaving many rudderless in matter of days.

Many of my grandparent's siblings and cousins perished from Cholera. So much so that, after cremating one, there will be more dead bodies in pipeline to be picked up along with firewoods. Three of my grandpa's Cousins, 2 of his sisters and a brother, all perished from Cholera in a time frame of 48 hours. 

Lack of knowledge and awareness - like soaking rice with water for PAKHALA (A staple Odia diet) from the same pond where folks washed their bottoms post ablution, took a toll on hygiene and helped in spreading the disease. But many superstitions galored. 

During the epidemics, the entire village would shut down after dark. No sooner the twilight sets in, than the villagers liberally filled huge earthen pots outside with PITHA (cakes made from rice and grams), PANAA (a sweetened puree made from yogurt and fruits like Banana and Stone Apples or BEL) for the consumption of BAADI THAKURANI (the Goddess of Cholera) or Maa SITHALA (The Goddess of Pox). 

Job done, they rushed back home never to dare venture out untill dawn, lest they earn the wrath of the Goddess. Not sure how far the Goddess was appeased but the stray dogs of the village had a field day. They put on a lot of weight and seemed healthier and happier than their human counterparts.

Post independence, vaccinations virtually wiped out many communicable diseases. Since the MAHAMAARI or Epidemics like Cholera and Small Pox became curable, we are perpetually fighting a losing battle against the menace of explosive population growth. BADIPODA should be relegated to the Museum of Slangs. Cancer Poda or AIDS Poda, both incurable diseases are much better substitutes.

A Midwinter dream of Patanjali surgery

Yesterday I had this Midwinter Night's Dream. I am at Nityananda Bhaina's gargantuan farmhouse in Bhubaneswar, who suddenly appears wearing a green Physician's cloak, armed with surgical knives. He tries to persuade me into being his Guinea for his Patanjali Surgery experiment on me.

He continues his relentless cajoling - "Don't worry. This surgery is safe and sound, sans side effects. Just discovered about it from an old 7th Century Sanskrit POTHI (Scripture) from Vikramaditya's time I stumbled upon the other day. 

He proudly displayed his paraphernalia of JADI BUTI (Herbal paste) which he would use as Anasthesia. I excused myself to go into bathroom, followed by trying to escape the ordeal by scaling the walls near the backdoor of his gigantic mansion.

But no sooner than I get to the fence, Nityananda  Bhaina is standing right in front of me, smiling and telling me - Everyone does the same, trying to escape through the backdoor. That's why I am here. I try to outrun him, but can't as he closes in to get me.

As he holds my hand trying to coax me into his endeavor, I attempt another excuse  - " Bhaina, I can't pay you, for I have only old 1000, 500 denominations which are now useless post demonetization". He says, "Don't worry about it. You expect me to take money from you ? Be my guest. I will be nice and easy on you. Trust me, Trust Shashtra (Scriptures) and trust PATANJALI.

I am not convinced. My dream came to an abrupt end. It seamed so real that after waking up I thought I was still dreaming. Not sure why I had this weird dream, but I can now proudly proclaim that Pt. Nityananda Mishra is my dream man.

Over proclamation of Valentine's love

Come Valentine's Day - the Social Media erupts with over proclamation of love, far wider with a farther reach than the eruption of Mouna Loa, the famous Hawaiian Volcano. Valentine Day flame slithers across continents, more than the simmering fire vomited by the Volcano.

Mouna Loa gets active sporadically, its lava meanders through the valleys, subsiding only after touching the surface water of the Pacific Ocean. But cometh every February 14th, the all pervading, overflowing lava of love on social media is never enough - it is bountiful and boundless, bubbling its way to gobble the surface of the alternate universe of Social Media.

Yet unlike Mouna Loa, the Valentine Volcano ain't so real. It reminds me of a popular saying during my Engineering College days, "MUCHHE WOHI RAKHTE HAIN JINKE APNI MARDANGI PAR SHAQ HOTI HAI" - The ones keep moustache, are the ones who have doubts about their manhood. 

We share this common trait with our ancestors, our Simian Cousins. It's said that Monkeys with small testicles howl louder to cover their impotency. We humans often do the same, but sugar coat it with candies, cakes and ice creams. It is in human psychology to show off in public what we crave in private. Social media in general and Facebook in particular bears testimony. Valentine's Day best describes it.

Love is strongest when it's unreasonsble. But it can reasonably be said that love always comes with a reality check. This is best depicted in a scene from the epic movie ANKUSH (Barb) from the year 1986, which catapulted the actor Nana Patekar to fame. In the movie, a boy unemployed in spite of having a Civil Engineering degree, solicits love from a girl in his neighborhood by approaching her with a Rose. 

She rudely rebuffs him, throwing away the flower sideways, "HUN, MAHINA 100 RUPAIAH KAMA NAHI SAKTA, CHALA AYA PYAAR KARNE KE LIYE" - "Huh, Can't even earn Rs.100 (Roughly $10 those days) a month, now comes to express his love". Few days away from my Engineering College admission, this scene was profound enough for me not to opt for Civil Branch of Engineering. 

True, unconditional love might be an "Alternate fact" . But it's a fact that Americans truly love their pets as they're expected to spend $703 millions them on Valentine's Day. Hope that doesn't include they spend on another kind of pets, their husbands or boyfriends.

The Alternate Universe of Zuckerberg

An "Alternative Fact" - Mark Zuckerberg has inadvertently creared an alternate Universe, a virtual planet inside the planet earth. It's called Facebook, the 10th Planet of the Solar system. Planet Facebook was discovered on earth, but soon Earth started revolving around it.

The living beings on this planet chat, discuss, share knowledge, news, jokes and feelings. They flirt, gossip, develop Crush (on Candies or otherwise) and use its fertile soil (on Facebook's twin Planet Whatsapp too) to plant rumors and lies. Their favorite pastime is bit**ing about others. 

People here also get into needless fights, waste time and energy like their mere mortal counterparts on planet earth. They get jealous, celebrate marriages, mourn deaths and divorces (a few are known to celebrate them too).

Some fall in love with one other. A few even go a step further, getting into matrimony. A man travelled all the way from Pakistan to marry his beloved in Odisha, whom he stumbled upon on Facebook. Both, from nations not known to be exact friendly towards each other, took the extreme risk of tying the knot. For them, Marriages are not made in Heaven, they are made on Facebook - a place they dated first.

Not every dalliance on planet Facebook ends with Fairy tale ending. Few days back in Odisha, a College girl was drugged and raped by her paramour and his friends, when she went to meet him in preparation to elope. Both bumped into each other on Facebook, before the boy humped and dumped her.

But most keep their relationship on the virtual domain under wraps, some with a hypocrite veneer of "Like my real brother" or "Like my real sister" to shadow their real feelings. Not to mention Planet Facebook just mirrors the planet Earth - with plenty of Fake people, pandering to fake news and accoplices.

Hidden Tigers with false bravado and Slouching Dragons with their heads steadfastly buried inside Smartphones are very ubiquitous on this planet's surface. A recent cartoon depicted the Facebook warriors the best. When a guy was summoned by his wife, for the Army was looking to recruit him impressed by his bravery, was found hiding under a Sofa.

Last Christmas, a coworker of mine came up with this novel idea to parachute his family members from Planet Facebook to Planet Earth. It was holiday time. Last thing she wanted was her family, getting together after a prolonged absence, to spend more time with iGadgets than with live humans.

So, she took away their Smartphones and returned them only after the Party was over. Like a smoking addict looking for Cigarettes every now and then, over 30 minutes to an hour, all her family members exhibited reflex action, looking and scouring around, checking their holsters and pockets for the elusive devise. 

The process of Detoxification was slow and arduous, but eventually effective. Post withdrawl sympom - they had some quality family fun time, at least for one evening. No sooner they got back their phones, than they buried their heads like Ostriches in sand. A time will come when smartphones will be taken away at workplaces to improve productivity.

Love it or hate it, the alternate universe is going to stay. "One day I believe we will be able to send full rich thoughts to each other directly using technology" said Mark Zuckerberg, hinting that facebook could enter telepathy space in future. 

"You will be able to think of something and your friends will be immediately able to experience it too." he went on. Please Mark Z, don't go further. You will be breaking many hearts, not to mention many broken homes.