Day XVII and XVIII in Bhubaneswar - India trip 2021

 Still stuck to my promise of not eating any Pizza, KFC, burger or ice cream during my stay in India. Here I prefer Piazi (Onion fritters) to Pizza, BARA to Burger, Chicken Egg Roll to KFC, RASAGOLA to Ice cream and CHHENA PODA to Cake or Pastry. Some one suggested me to visit a Burger King located a few miles from here. I have half a dozen Burger Kings within couple of miles of radius from where I live in the United States. So here I would prefer a freshly fried BARA right in front of my eyes which cost me 3 cents a piece to a $3 Sandwich at local Burger King. I believe - Eat BARA in Bhubaneswar, eat Burger in Boston. Be Roman in Rome.

I love to speak my mother tongue in Odisha, an opportunity I rarely get in United States. Because I rarely speak the language beyond the boundary of my home. Talking in Odia is restricted over phone and "meet & greet" rendezvous with NROs (Non Resident Odias). 

But more and more NROs from my generation now a days speak less and less Odia among themselves - They drink PHEPSI (Pepsi in American accent), drive THOYOTHA (Toyota), and punch their Odia sentences with a liberal dosage of "Oh Boy, Oh Gosh, O man" and so on. The more you pronounce "P" as "Ph", "T" as "Th", the more American you are. So as long as I am on "Jagannath Land", I take opportunity to converse in Odia with the commoners here before I return back to the "Jesus Land".

The other day at a local store I overheard a guy speaking on cellphone twitching his 2 inch long ear hair and chewing full Pakhala Khia Hindi (Hindi spoken by Odias after eating a stomach full of water soaked rice, a staple food of the state) :

"MUJHE BAHUT JOR SE JHAADA MAAD RAHA THA. AB MEIN USKO CHAAP DIYA - "I got enormous urge to use the loo, but force controlled it". It took me back on a time machine to one related incident a few years ago.

It was during one of my trips years ago shortly after I arrived in Bhubaneswar, I was pulled into visiting Puri Jagannath Temple on a special occasion. I wasn't very keen on going as I was still tired after a long trip from the otherwise of the world and my body clock hasn't adjusted to the new time zone. After a lot of persuasion I reluctantly agreed.

Severely jet lagged and constipated, I had ate a late lunch of MAHAPRASAD (The great offering) inside the Jagannath temple. The meal was a high fiber diet  consisting of concentrated DAALI (lentil), BESARA & MAHURA (Temple curry of variety of mixed veggies) and SAAGA (Leafy greens) - all fiber rich food.

It was late afternoon when we drove back home. My constipated stomach started gurgling as the high fibre content had its effect, now ready to burst itself out like the Hirakud Dam which can't hold any longer after a heavy monsoon downpour. The floodgates were ready to open any moment but I was confident that with about 20 miles or so to go, I can hold on.

Soon I discovered that I was at wrong place at wrong time. Wrong place - every minute countdown to those twenty miles seemed eternal, each miles passing looked like an hour. If Einstein ever went through this he could have replaced his simple explanation of his Theory of  Relativity by - "Time stops when the urge to shit doesn't stop".

Wrong time - My watch procalimed it was 4.30 PM in afternoon, that would be early morning in America. My body clock not yet used to Indian time was still US mode and hardly helped me by adding fuel to food, further triggering the bowel movement which was in no mood to relent.

I instructed the driver of the vehicle to stop at a relatively secluded spot, grabbed his Red GAMUCHA (loin cloth) and ran behind one of the bushes. I ran so fast that I could have beaten Ussain Bolt to a seconds behind me. As a sqatted, I found couple of mosquitoes sitting happily on my particular body part where I dare not slap. 

The Chinese philosopher's saying - "When a Mosquito seats on your balls then you consider peace as an option". It also reminded me of my teenage days when I was hit by a cricket ball down under. So rather than swatting them away or clapping them to death, I let the mosquitoes feast on my private part in public. I suddenly discovered myself as the most tolerant person on earth.

Meanwhile I attracted the attention of a stray dog sleeping nearby who gaped at me with a look filled with surprise and suspicion, giving me a scare for a moment. The mongrel now stood up, extending the legs looked up and yawned "Yeeeeeooooo", shook itself of dirt, scratched it's ears using its hind legs. 

Thankfully he decided not to chase me. He turned in a different direction and strolled away. Otherwise, what a sight it would have been !!! Me running through the paddy fields, chased by the canine, with the GAMUCHA slowly slipping away from my waist. If caught on video, it would gone viral with a million pus hit in no time.

Moments later I was back in the car, a much relieved and relaxed person after relieving myself. Nature's call can take you back to nature - exposing our helplessness. How helpless are we in front of nature. An innocuous meal of simple, vegetarian temple food almost made me shit in my pants. Nature is the world's best leveller. More later...