The pleasure of India defeating Pakistan

3 small things have made me the big pleasure in my life. Scratching my private parts on a hot, humid day, a long satisfying fart and watching India defeat Pakistan, whether in Cricket or Kabaddi ( A defeat by Gandhi family led Congress comes a close second). Just the opposite happens when the role is reversed.

 

During my growing up days in India, the later used to happen more frequently, especially in the 1990s. Congress would continually screw up the nation's economy and national security, but miraculously got elected time and again, both in States and at the Center. Similarly, India's loss to Pakistan in cricket (in Hockey as well) was a norm, a rule rather than an exception. Their fast bowlers Imran and Akram would destroy our batting, their batsmen Miandad, Salim Malik and Saeed Anwar would smash us into pulp.

 

It happened too often for comfort, to the chargin and frustration of the cricket fans like me. India could never come out of the jinx of getting hit out by the ropes by the famous last ball six by the mercurial Miandad off Chetan Sharma's delivery in April, 1986, so much so that, the next victory of India over its arch rival won't come until November of 1991. After a brief blip in the radar, our losing streak against our next door rival continued  in Harjah (Sarjah, as sarcastically called then, ascribed to us getting frequently vanquished by our next door neighbor).

 

India has come a long way since. It's players no more capitulate under pressure against Pakistan. A great example would be today's Asia Cup T20 encounter. Chasing a platy score of 85, we are reeling at 3 wickets with just 8 runs on the board. Rewind back to the year 1996, India facing the same situation against a virulent Pakistani attack. The body language of the Indian batsmen, their nervousness apparent from profusely sweating against the steam of the pressure cooker atmosphere, rather than the prickling humid heat of the subcontinent. India struggles and after Sachin Tendulkar gets out, the rest makes a beeline to the dressing room.

 

Now fast forward to 2016. Under the same situation, Kohli and Yuvraj at crease, hardly any visible sign of nervousness. They looked determined and played some sensible cricket under the circumstances, guiding India to victory. It's another matter, our Achilles Heels against quality fast bowling was exposed yet again. But what matter more, the fighting spirit, professionalism and killer instinct of out cricketers have increased many fold.

 

Nothing ever has united India and brought out the patriotism more than this game called cricket. It's arguably the only instance, at least for a day, we don't see ourselves as a Punjabi, Marathi, Tamil or Odia when India wins a cricket match against our obsessive neighbor, but rejoice as Indians. Such is the passion of the game, it's either flowers or brickbats as far as fans go. Let's enjoy the flowers while it and our determination doesn't wilt, as you never know when the brickbats would follow. Congratulations Team India, good luck for rest of the tournament.

Marching towards Matriculation in March

Marching towards the month of March, we are reminded of testing time for the kids at school. It's examination time back home, especially the Matriculation or Board exams, the counterpart of what we call Tests in America.

Arguably this examination was a make or break moment of our time. Failure was not an option. A below par performance in other exams always had the solace from the hope of a second chance. But if you screw up in this particular exam chances of a comeback is remote, though not quite mission impossible. Some I have come across, still regret that 30-50 odd more marks in this crucial examination could have altered their life, as they compare themselves to others, lamenting for falling behind having missed the boat.

I have seen very few as exceptions who after GANDHI SHRENI or Gandhi Class  (sarcastically named after our Father of the Nation who supposedly passed in 3rd division) but later excelled in academics. Often I wonder why not name 2nd Division after Nehru and 1st Division after Subash Base,as a fitting tribute to the icons.

A good score in Matriculation assures you an entry into a decent college, otherwise for many the goose is cooked. Not getting into a good college can get you tagged as a DHAIN, which in the local lingo means a person with respiratory ailments gasping for breath but as a slang depicts a "worthless" person, a nincompoop.

It's not unusual for teenagers to commit suicides post the ignominy of poor performance in this crucial examination, as they can't cope up with the prospect of being persona non grata or as we call in Odia LOKE BOLIBE KANA (what the public will say) ? Often failing in an exam in Odisha in the local lingo is said as KHARAP HEIGALA or "bad happened", a more soothing metaphor for the ill sounding "Fail".

In my father's generation passing the Matriculation examination was a matter of prestige as well as a passport to a decent government job. A contemporary of him passed it after no less than dozen attempts. His initial attempt with Mathematics Optional paper, the preferred option of good students. After failing, he kept on switching optionals to the less preferred Sanskrit yet failed again. Finally he toggled with the least preferred Physiology & Hygiene and Home Science optional before finally managing to clear the exam well into his 20s, following the footsteps of Gandhi. He was ecstatic as it propelled him into landing  up a coveted Goverment job and a secured life.

Many who could not clear the papers under Odisha BSE (Board Of Secondary Education), had the option of getting the Matriculation degree from Andhra, known as Andhra matric. The later was considered an easier option, second rate,  yet still provided the solace of having a degree. Those less fortunates were condemned themselves to the life sentence of MABF (Matric Appeared, Bychance Failed) degree for rest of their lives.

No wonder, In our time there was a saying in rhyme

"Matriculation examination,
Is a great botheration,
For the young generation".

The dangerous saga of demagogues

My friend Sufyan recently posted a link to Hitler's speech. It was an interesting watch, watching the rambling rants of a charismatic megalomania. This might sound abnormal to a normal person, but those were no normal times. Hitler's rabble rousing speech was able to arise the passion of a proud, resurgent German race, considering the response he was getting, driving the crowd insane.

History is rife with such examples. Many great dictators like Hitler were popular demagogues. Life does not necessarily  follows logic. When you talk sense you are likely to be ignored, but your crazy rants can get you some attention and make people lend their ears. If you are outright looney, more will passionately fall for you.

What can be attributed towards such defiance of the conventional logic ? My take - goodness usually sounds dull and boring, whereas negativity gets noticed. In schools and colleges, a bully gets more attention than a good student. It's said good girls fall for bad boys. The reason - Love, like any attraction is the strongest when it's unreasonable. However logical we talk, sound or portray of ourselves, we humans are basically  irrational creatures, our emotions often  override our power of reasoning.

We all know that SANTULA (an Odia dish of boiled veggies) is healthy. But keep a bowl of Chilli Chicken besides it, the later will go like hot cakes. We prefer a glass of Lassi to water, though the later is calorie free. Our ears are more tuned for spicy gossips than bland stuff. It yet vindicates that we humans are basicially creatures of contradiction, acidically oriented towards tangy stuff.

If I support a good cause, nobody would care. But if I oppose something, make some noise or nuisance, I make news. It instantly catapults me as a newsmaker. That makes the demagogues like Hitler a dangerous proposition as they lucidly juxtapose negativity with some excellent  communication skills. They have that infinite ability to raise their passion, being able to connect to them with their amazing oratory skills, even amongst the so called educated and sensible folks. That's their forte.

Couple of nights ago, the Republican candidates were questioned by voters in a town hall format on CNN. John Kasich had a wonderful life story to narrate. But the icing on the cake and the last item on the agenda was Donald Trump. He was received by a standing ovation.

Though he talks crap he still manages to get attention of the audience, including me, who will never vote for him, yet stayed up late to hear him speaking.  Even CNN anchor Anderson Cooper, known for posing tough questions was conspicuously soft on him. Obviously his negative remarks, slurs attracted more attention than his lack of specificity.

Bottomline, we have a term in Odia called MUNDA, which can be transliterated as - someone stubbornly moron or diehard stupid. In India we have mostly illiterate, poor MUNDAs whom politicians easily take for a ride. In West we have mostly literate, economically better off, SUV driving, Coke guzzling MUNDAS.

Facebook follies

Very silly things, yet some or most of us fall for them at least once. Here are a few meaning less Facebook follies many love to indulge in :

Who is your secret admirer.

What Obama says about you. (I would care what Obama thinks I say about him)

Who were you in your previous births.

How many times you have been friend with someone in previous births.

What kind of person you are (as if I never knew, thanks facebook for revealing it).

Which Ramayan or Mahabharat character you are.

And many more, with more to come. There is an inherent childhood or childishness hidden inside us, which manifests itself at the right place and time. Facebook knows this tendency of the social animal called man (and woman too) and fully uses it to its advantage.

Yet nothing ever beats the real thing in life, when I get nostalgic in remembering the fun we had doing many silly stuff, especially during the early stages of our life. It's said in Hindi - BADI BADI KHUSIAN HAI CHHOTI CHHOTI BATON MAIN - big happiness comes from doing small, or rather things.

 

No kidding, but we kids back home used to compete with one another how farthest one can pee in open air, under sparkling blue sky. A champion among us could propel it to almost 10 feet. These days with progressing age and softening of the prostrate muscles one can barely pee in a jet stream.

During my days back home in India, peeing outside was something very common thing, often unavoidable. Once during a trip to a SARKARI (government) office, I grabbed couple of glasses of sugarcane juice (those ubiquitous vendors stand outside, their stacks of sugarcanes barely visible from their liberal coating of flies).

 

Soon my bladder was full. Desperate to empty it, I was frantically looking for a restroom (bathroom) when an approaching bystander pointed me towards the trunk of a huge tree. I looked around the tree for anything close to a bathroom, but could not locate any.

Soon my eyes settled on the water soaked streak, starting from about 3 feet above the tree trunk, trickling down to the ground beneath it. It gave me enough hint of the bathroom's location. Though pissed off at the sight, unable to hold on to my piss any longer, I contributed my share of Urea fertilizer to the tree. (Many walls and their surroundings back home carry the stigma from rivulets of urine. One innovative person came up with the idea of painting a picture of Lord Shiva on the wall. The dryness surrounding the wall bore the efficacy of his creativity, as no one wanted to earn the wrath of our whimsical Mahadev).

 

In our college hostel, there was this guy who after consuming a full bowl of CHANNA (chick peas) once took a challenge to extinguish a candle with his fart. He tried few times, but forget about extinguishing, he could barely flicker the flames. Watching him attempting, I never laughed so much in my life.

 

Would any of these Facebook follies match these unadulterated fun. As in Ice age the mammals migrated south, we are migrating towards to a virtual world created by Social media. But however creative the social media can get, its virtual world can never be the substitute for the real stuff, nor bridge the gap for real feelings.

JNU Issue and Sickularism

From what I get from our media back home about the JNU issue, it's now politicized beyond redemption. The famous or infamous University, depending the way you see it, now resembles a war zone. And as always, truth is the first casualty in a war.

I have visited the JNU Campus in 1990s and had eaten couple of times in their hostel mess (no relation to the mess happening there, the food court of college hostels are called mess in the local parlance). The food quality was substandard by hostel standard, hardly close to my Engineering college mess. But what I heard from my host, the food was subsidized, quality be damned.

I could see signs of leftist ideology, with some hardcore socialist leaders, who during the day preached communism to core, as the solution to all global evils. Come evening, they would hanker for Scotch or Bacardi (much sought after those days, so as I, as a visitor with access to those fascinating phoren stuff from the land of Bourgeois). Later they would go out eating Ice Cream with girl friends in posh eateries of South Delhi. The juxtaposition of Communism with Scotch, followed by Ice Cream, reeked of hypocrisy, as nauseating as an alcoholic's Piarrhoea effusing mouth.

Since then, much has changed, but not the commie sentiments indide Campus.  Liberal thoughts still flow inside the institute as the river Yamuna in spate during the  monsoon. Liberalism is not a dirty word, though I diagree with the brand. But a note to the ultra liberals of JNU breed - Being Liberal or anti-BJP is one thing, being anti-national is another.

We can agree to disagree with American liberals, but they don't compromise when it comes to their national security. Best example is Obama, a Chicago liberal, who had no qualms about taking out Osama bin Laden or ordering drone strikes on terrorists. (Our Diggy Singh was the soul prominent politician in South Asia to shed a few crocodile tears for his Osama Jee). Scores of liberal Democrat Senate and House members broke with Obama and voted with Republicans in preventing him from vetoing the bill to bring in 10000 Syrian refusees. On the other hand our liberals back home sound like blatant Paki Premis (lovers).

Vote bank politics and catering to their base is not just unique to India. In my state of Georgia, 90% of the minorities who form 35% of the total electorates, vote for Democrats. Whites on other hand, who form roughly 65% of total population, are not divided on the lines of English Whites, Irish Whites or German Whites. Almost 90% of the whites vote Republican, enough to hand Republicans a comfortable victory. And yes, they all speak one language - English.

Yet in India, though 80% plus population is Hindu, they are deeply divided in the lines of  castes, subcastes, languages, dialects and what not. It's best exemplified in the last elections in Bihar, where a caste divided, fractured Hindu vote enabled Laloo Yadav to come out of political oblivion.

So do the likes of Laloo, Mulayam to the Congies and Kejri really care for the  minorities ? I dont think so. They just salivate after their Votes for political purposes. I am sure, if the Hindus start voting enblock, these so called champions of minorities will show their true colors by changing their allegiance. The current drama in JNU is just a piece of political puzzle, an effort to grab a piece of political pie, nothing else.

JNU Issue and Sickularism

From what I get from our media back home about the JNU issue, it's now politicized beyond redemption. The famous or infamous University, depending the way you see it, now resembles a war zone. And as always, truth is the first casualty in a war.

I have visited the JNU Campus in 1990s and had eaten couple of times in their hostel mess (no relation to the mess happening there, the food court of college hostels are called mess in the local parlance). The food quality was substandard by hostel standard, hardly close to my Engineering college mess. But what I heard from my host, the food was subsidized, quality be damned.

I could see signs of leftist ideology, with some hardcore socialist leaders, who during the day preached communism to core, as the solution to all global evils. Come evening, they would hanker for Scotch or Bacardi (much sought after those days, so as I, as a visitor with access to those fascinating phoren stuff from the land of Bourgeois). Later they would go out eating Ice Cream with girl friends in posh eateries of South Delhi. The juxtaposition of Communism with Scotch, followed by Ice Cream, reeked of hypocrisy, as nauseating as an alcoholic's Piarrhoea effusing mouth.

Since then, much has changed, but not the commie sentiments indide Campus.  Liberal thoughts still flow inside the institute as the river Yamuna in spate during the  monsoon. Liberalism is not a dirty word, though I diagree with the brand. But a note to the ultra liberals of JNU breed - Being Liberal or anti-BJP is one thing, being anti-national is another.

We can agree to disagree with American liberals, but they don't compromise when it comes to their national security. Best example is Obama, a Chicago liberal, who had no qualms about taking out Osama bin Laden or ordering drone strikes on terrorists. (Our Diggy Singh was the soul prominent politician in South Asia to shed a few crocodile tears for his Osama Jee). Scores of liberal Democrat Senate and House members broke with Obama and voted with Republicans in preventing him from vetoing the bill to bring in 10000 Syrian refusees. On the other hand our liberals back home sound like blatant Paki Premis (lovers).

Vote bank politics and catering to their base is not just unique to India. In my state of Georgia, 90% of the minorities who form 35% of the total electorates, vote for Democrats. Whites on other hand, who form roughly 65% of total population, are not divided on the lines of English Whites, Irish Whites or German Whites. Almost 90% of the whites vote Republican, enough to hand Republicans a comfortable victory. And yes, they all speak one language - English.

Yet in India, though 80% plus population is Hindu, they are deeply divided in the lines of  castes, subcastes, languages, dialects and what not. It's best exemplified in the last elections in Bihar, where a caste divided, fractured Hindu vote enabled Laloo Yadav to come out of political oblivion.

So do the likes of Laloo, Mulayam to the Congies and Kejri really care for the  minorities ? I dont think so. They just salivate after their Votes for political purposes. I am sure, if the Hindus start voting enblock, these so called champions of minorities will show their true colors by changing their allegiance. The current drama in JNU is just a piece of political puzzle, an effort to grab a piece of political pie, nothing else.

The Topsy Turvy World of Indo - American relationship

The announcement recent sell of F-16 fighter planes by US to Pakistan has caused consternation in India. A few in media, social or otherwise, have mentioned about Obama backstabbing Modi who embraced him.

It would be futile to judge the fereign policy of a nation which is governed by Strategic or Business interests, in too simplistic terms. Think of this way, let's say, either one of Rwanda and Burundi (who are perpetually at logger heads fighting each other), buy a billion dollar worth arms from India. It could be reported back home as a victory of pragmatic foreign policy, though India has excellent relations with both African nations. As far as hobnobbing with dictators go, India has supported the Myanmar (Burma) military junta for a long time.

Notwithstanding the reported bonhomie between India and US (seen mostly by the media back home, the mainstream American media doesn’t share the same euphoria), Pakistan continues to be strategically important to America, especially vis a vis in relation to its contentious Af-Pak (Afghanistan - Pakistan) policy. Just reverse the way  "Af-Pak" sounds. "Fak-Ap" as it sounds, summarizes the issue as it stands today, so also US policy in that turbulent neighborhood.

Call it an obsession, reality is the big elephant in the room called Pakistan, a factor which it can't easily ignore. Pakistan is America's first love, an old flame which just refuses to extinguish, coming back to haunt like a recurring migraine. That nation is treated by Uncle Sam as an "international con**m" time and again, use it for convenience and conveniently discard it afterwards.

There is no permanent friends or enemies in this world, only permanent interest. Unfortunately strategically for US, India is no Pakistan. NATO convoys don't pass through our territory. We cannot burn 10 NATO convoys and instantly extort $2 billion from America, as Pakistan has mastered the art of "Running with the hare and hunting with Hounds".

Close to two last decades, I have diligently followed many visits by Indian Prime ministers to Coke Land and their counterparts, the American Presidents visit to India (visits of the later to India are fewer, only 4 Presidents have visited India in last two decades). All these visits are followed by reports of bonhomies by the Press  (mostly on Indian side), coming with bomadistic phrases like "breakthroughs", "turning point" and so on. Some even hallucinate America declaring Pakistan as a terrorist state. Call me pessimistic, nothing of that sort is going to happen anytime soon.

A point to be noted, the more charismatic Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, who were (are) treated like rock stars back home, like true Democrats were never overtly friendly towards India. Democrats, like the mandarins of American State Department, are in general more Pakistan friendly. The less charismatic and globally much hated George Bush, who smiles less than Clinton and doesn't dance like Obama, was genuinely friendly towards India. Beyond the usual bonhomies and hot airs of rhetorics, he actually did something concerte in the form of the Ino-US Nuclear deal during his regime.

That doesn't mean thar Republicans are extremely India friendly, but they are known to follow a more aggressive foreign policy and are capable of going out of box. Democrat Presidents are known to be more traditional vis a vis Indo-Pak relationship, as the Foggy Bottom  (another name for the State Department) are filled with Paki lovers, a remnant from the Cold War era, not going away anytime soon.

So don't be surprised if Pakistan is doled out more lollipops, yet continuing its double game - as everything is fair in love, war and international relationships, where nothing but self interest matters. Better get used to Realpolitik.