Friday, July 12, 2024

Family bickering post death

 The parents of an Indian Army's Captain named Anshuman Singh who died in line of duty have demanded changes in Army's next of kin criteria for financial assistance to family members. They claim their daughter-in-law Smriti to whom their son was married to has left their home after their son's death and she now receives most entitlement. "We only have photo of our son with a garland on it" - said the father of the martyred soldier.


It is always tragic for parents to lose their young son and the wife to become widow at such a tender age. It is more tragic to see the family's internal wrangling over money which has now spilled out as they wash their dirty linen in public. Regarding the claim made by the parents of the deceased martyr, we may not be knowing the whole truth, not even the media - social or otherwise which always reports half truths and sensationalizes for TRP. What happens within the four walls of the family no outsider really knows. In most cases the media tends to take sides, casting the parents as victims and painting the widowed daughter-in-law as a greedy opportunist. Many jump into conclusions too fast, too soon with gullible public sympathy invariably going with the parents and an over enthusiastic media ever ready to capitalize on the incident by making the hapless woman the villain of the piece.

Regardless who is the real culprit here, the financial assistance should go to the individual as per the Army rule book, not by public emotions. Law should take its own course based on the definition of the next of kin. Yet sudden financial gains, especially the arrival of unexpected free money can drastically change people. I have seen many such incidents from close quarters.

During the Kargil War in 1999 hundred of men died fighting in the hills along Pakistan border. Apart from the usual government benefits received by next of the kin, a lot of folks contributed towards the family of the deceased. With an overwhelming amount of free money at stake, innumerable family feuds between the widow and other family members came into limelight. It was also reported that in many cases, especially in North India, a good number of army widows were married to their "DEWAR" (husband's younger brother) so that the doles stay inside the family.

Reminded me of the liberally Hindi mixed Odia saying, which I read in an Odia short story titled "ANDHARUA" during my childhood.

"ABE PARASU, JABE PARASU,
BABU PARASURAM;
PAISA KYA NA KARE KAAM."

Roughly transliterated....

Come Peter, Go Peter,
Oh My Lord Peter,
Money Can do,
Tremendous wonder".

Money, Money, Money.
Brighter than sunshine,
Sweeter than honey.

In this materialistic world Money rules, Money talks, Money matters. As matter of fact, nothing else matters. If tomorrow something happens to me, all I will receive is a "RIP" comment on my obituary. People are going to forget me in a week and move on with their life. I won't matter any more to them. But what will matter is the future of my family and money I left for them. I sincerely hope that the parents and the widow of the Army man amicably settle their issues and move on. May God bless them.

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