India trip 2018 - Day IX

The drive on the Jungle Road towards Patia was different - being on the outskirts of the city it passed through green foliage on both sides of the road with lesser houses. Still lesser number of vehicles were plying on the road, small enough for me not to smell petrol on the air, nor could I see the air unlike in the heart of the city.

I came out of the vehicle to take a deep, lungful breath of fresh air which fluttered the coconut trees standing tall amongst long lines of vegetation on the both sides of the road. Mounds of red ant hills were surrounded by wild flowers of different hues. It felt very peaceful to escape from the din and buste of city - far from the madding crowd. 

Bicycles passed by with bamboo baskets tied behind them using black rubber tubes, their wheels almost touching the ground because of scant air pressure inside their tyres. A few irritants on bike approached us from the opposite side inside our lane. With cellphones well tucked under their head drooping sideways, they were epitomes of living dangerously.

Wednesday started with a gray sky and cool breeze filled with promise of rain as the outer bands of Cyclone Titli kept rolling in. It made gray, the color of gloom, turning to be the harbinger of joyful expectations in a city already swamped by non stop sultry heat for last few days. 

Then suddenly it started to rain - first came the small droplets as light drizzle, followed by larger ones in waves. It kept on raining on and off, accompanied by on and off power cuts. The scattered showers wasn't a heavy downpour, nor the wind close to devastating. Yet, the electricity kept on playing hide and seek throughout the entire day.

There is no sidewalk (pavement) on the road near our house. When I take a short walk, I always prefer to walk on the right hand side of the road, so that I can see the incoming vehicles and protect myself from any eventuality. Walking on the left side of the road is too risky as you have no idea about the vehicle behind you. On this raining morning when I went out to fetch some ALUCHAP (Mashed Potato cutlets), I had to be extra careful not to get a muddy shower flashed by the tyres of numerous vehicles honking and screeching, wading over tiny rivulets and cesspools of water. 

The stray dogs and bulls were quenching their thirst slurping from the puddles all over the place. One thing this cyclone has done to the city - it has cooled down the temperature considerably. It reminds me of last year when I, along with my family was waiting for a ride back home after fresh monsoon hours.  3 guys started oggling at Tanujaa like they hadn't seen a woman before. 

Distracted, one of them fell on a muddy poodle covering a pothole, while the other two got busy extricating their buddy from the mess. We had a hearty laugh at the fallen hero's expense. Rain definitely brings in its share of fun and joy. More later....

India trip 2018 - Day VIII

Thanks JP Jagdev and Srimanta Panda for a well spent couple of hours in the evening. At the end I requested JP to understand an OLA cab for me (transliteration of Odia phrase cab BUJHI DIA). It took them just couple of seconds to catch the humor. Not everyone are as smart as them. I have told this joke to others, but it usually takes them a little longer to get it.

OLA and UBER cab service is arguably the best things to happen to the city in the recent past. I was the 8th ride for the OLA driver at 9 PM and he said he will drive till midnight. A late immigrant to Bhubaneswar from Anugul, like many job seekers from the hinterland of Odisha he came to the capital city, his city of neon lights and opportunity, before landing up as a driver for UBERE (Uber pronounced in Odia accent). Then he shifted to OLA.

He shared his frustrations of handling occasional fastidious, recalcitrant passengers, last minute cancellation et all. He dreads trips to Cuttack, for its a challenge for him to drive to the labyrinth of lanes in the old city which prides itself on its 52 Bazaars and 53 Streets (BOUN BAZAAR, TEPAN GALI).

At a bank, the person in front of me was talking in Hindi with a girl inside the teller counter. Both of them, apparently pure bred Odias were conversing in PAKHALA KHIA HINDI (Hindi spoken after eating stomachful of water soaked rice, a popular Odia summer dish). Done with their chit chat, they took a break. The man was talking in pure, unadulterated Odia to someone over phone. The girl leaned over her side and started talking in Odia to her coworker. Could hardly make out what made two Odias, living in the heartland of Odisha made talk to each other in Hindi. Real nationalists !!!

Not to mention, Hindi accented Odia is a craze which is slowly turning from rampant to epidemic. I observe this in every visit - a la a person who sees you after a while can tell you if you have gone fatter, skimmer or taller. Emperor Ashok faced stiff resistance inside Kalinga before being able to conquere it. Ekta Kapoor, the producer of the popular Hindi TV soap operas did not face any such resistance. She was welcomed with open hand and culturally conquered Kalinga and infused Hindi and Punjabi culture into them.

The Plumbers, Electricians, Air Conditioning Mechanics thrive well in the city and make decent money due to the city's explosive growth. I could make it when I chatted with the electrician who came to fix the motor which got fried due to the fluctuating voltage. He has no complaints against money but whines that the dignity of labor hasn't quite matched up to his earnings, hoping to see that happen during his life time. More later....

India trip 2018 - Day VII

A Math question for today,

Boy - TO SILKY SILK ANTA DEKHI

          MO NAZAR LAKHI GALA.

Girl -  TO STRONG STRONG BODY DEKHI

           MO DIL FIDA HELA.

Calculate how many English, Hindi and Odia words are there in this so called Odia song loaded with tons of vulgarity. It is high time for the legendary Odia singer Akshay Mohanty to take a rebirth to save Odia music from adulteration, cataclysmic alteration and eventual extinction.

As this song was playing in the background, the barber at the local saloon put an inch long shaving cream on my cheek and lathered it. We NRIs (including me) give bombastic speeches about the low cost manual labor in India. At the same time we take the guilty pleasure of availing that, grabbing it at the first available opportunity. It was my turn to do that by visiting a saloon close to our house.

This barber shop was clean, improvised itself over the years, a wall mounted AC being its latest addition. The young man who knows me over years asked me while putting his blade inside his hand razor - AGYAN TRAWMPAW KEMITI ACHHI (How is Trump doing) ? I replied - "He is fine, I guess". 

As he mowed the first chunk of my facial hair and smeared the beared sprinkled lather on a piece of paper he informed me - "Do you know that Trawmpaw consults Narendra Modi before taking any important decision ?" I replied - "No. This is news to me. But where from did you get this piece of information" ? "AGYAN, WHATSAPPE RE DEKHITHILI - I saw this on the Whatsapp", he replied back. I didn't want to dishearten the BHAKT (devotee) in him for whom Whatsapp is gospel. Apparently the social media cell of political parties are doing heck of a job in brainwashing the commoners. Goebbel, the propaganda Man Friday of Hitler who successfully brainwashed the Germans with the false notion of Aryan Supremacy must be missing Facebook and Whatsapp.

Our tete a tete continued as the barber focused on giving me a clean shave, used his blade in surgical precision reaching out all the nooks and corners of my face which I can rarely reach. He continued weeding out the unwanted hairs off my face, gave me a nice massage, soothing my jaded nerves.

A guy suddenly slammed his bike in front of the store, toed its leg stand to park, barged in, grabbed a comb and brushed whatever hair available on top as he had mowed down his sideburns and hair above both sides of his ears with an ear ring on the left. He was ploughing his hair backwards standing in front of the mirror exposing his wrist tied with multiple multicolor threads whose color was fading. He started whistling from his lips snorted lke a pig to the song - "TORA SILKY SILKY ANTA DEKHI DIL FIDA HELA". He took a break, wiped the residual hairs off the comb, checked it by turning it over again and again mumbling something to the rhyme of the song in the backhround which sounded like "MAMA MYAON MYAON, MAMA MYAON MYAON". Placing the comb close to his mouth, he tried to vacuum it off by blowing air through his pouting lips. He resumed his combing operation and mumbling "MAMA MYAON MYAON".

Here are some samples of typical Saloon conversations - "KIRE KUNA (a common nick name) TA SHAALI BAHAGHARA RU PHERILA (Did Kuna return from the marriage of his sister-in-law) ?"  The guy reading a local newspaper got up, walked to the front door to spit out his betel stained saliva and replied - NA MA. SE E JAYE MEESSI KALLA KARINI. (He has not given me a miss call - a call on the cell phone which is destined to be missed but expected to be returned).

The barber once confided to me that those guys were not his customers, but free roamers needlessly hanging around. The reluctant hair dressers, not fan of these BALUNGAs (worthless weeds), had no desire to mess around with the local brats - simply tolerating them as a nuisance and unavoidable occupational hazard.

I thanked him for giving my face and cheek a clean slate. Adding my tip to the final payment it cost me less than one dollar. Can't complain, when I had a close shave for a tiny amount, as close and low it can get. More later...

India trip 2018 - Day VI

Having some time to spare during the day, I was watching a Test match cricket between India and the West Indies. It was completely one sided affair in favor of the host nation. It was sad to see the mighty Windies fallen to such a low over the years. Excactly 35 years ago the pace battery of the touring West Indian team battered the Indian batting attack to the pulp. I starkly remember in 1983 Raghuram Bhat, a player from Karnataka standing away from the stumps out of fear while facing the fiery Windies speedster Malcolm Marshall. Now it's other way round, India has mercilessly whipped the West Indians to submission in all the departments of the game.

In Odisha each day of the week has its own food related significance. You chose to go vegetarian or be a non-veg in local parlance (meat, fish and poultry eater). Most Odias stay vegetarians, some even avoid Onion & Garlic, called TAMASHIK (titillating carnal desire) food on the following days.

MONDAY - Day of Lord Shiva.
TUESDAY- Day of Maa Mangala and Hanuman.
WEDNESDAY - Budhei Osha. Very few practice this though. Most devour non-Veg food after a hiatus of two days.
THURSDAY  - Goddess Laxmi and Saint Sai Baba. Mostly women stay vegetarian than men on this day.
FRIDAY - Santoshima Brata. Devotees of the Goddess apart from avoiding non -Veg food avoid KHATTA (tangy) stuff like lemon, tomato, tamarind etc.
SATURDAY - Lord Shani and Hanuman.
SUNDAY - Lord Surya. Not many respect the Sun God as Goat meat features on the menu at most Odia homes during lunch.

That leaves non Veg food on the plate for only Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Friends and relatives crowd my schedule by inviting only on those days. I beg them to cook Bhata, Dalma and invite me on Mondays, Tuesday and Saturday as my stomach and schedule can handle so much. But they refuse to relent. Though I have absolutely no question about their hospitality, force feeding meat and fish need not be mandatory for a guest for someone who has time and scheduling constraints.

I saw a girl driving a Scooty, not wearing an helmet and talking with mobile on the left hand. Too dangerous ! Is it that important to put the life on the line to be online with this kind of unsafe driving ? Can't the call wait until the driving is done ?  A person once went to an astrologer, who after seeing his chart said "You will be begging after two years". "What will happen after 2 years ?" asked the curious and now somewhat concerned person. The astrologer responded "You will get used to it". Now I can proudly proclaim of getting used to the chaotic, snarling traffic, the unsafe driving in Bhubaneswar. More later...

India trip 2018 - Day V

The stifling heat and humidity is the talk going around the town. I am still having fun going around, sampling the food but making sure to wash the food down with plenty of water. I feel it has less to do with the heat, more to do with the humidity. The higest temperature of Bhubaneswar hovers around 32 degree (90 degrees Fahrenheit) - which is about the same presently in my state of Georgia in US. But in terms of himidity, it is no where close. City-zens of Bhubaneswar earlier fed up with rainer than usual monsoon this year are now praying for a shower to bring down the heat.

I went to withdraw some cash from my account at the local branch of State Bank of India. The service has got much better these days. You need to pick up a numbered ticket at the counter and wait for your turn. My account was in a dormant status due to not being used for more than a year. So I was directed to another counter after filled out a form to re-activate my account. 

A guy suddenly barged in from no where hoding up a check, broke the line and stood in front of the lady at the counter - "Madam NAMASKAR, EI CHECK TA TIKE DEKHIBE. PEMENTE HABA (Greetings ma'am. Can you take a look at the check. A payment awaits)." The lady hardly impressed by the line breaking of the recalcitrant customer without acknowledging the Namaskar directed him to back of the line". Can't fathom why some folks lack civic sense and patience to wait for a few more minutes.

At night my friend Shubhranshu took me out to the local "Food Street", centrally located in Bhubaneswar behind Ram Mandir. A plethora of stores serving all kinds of fast foods are located next to each other. The crowd was relatively small today being Saturday, when many Odias eschew meat, fish and eggs lest they earn the wrath of arguably the most feared planet in their horoscope "Lord Shani".

I sampled on chicken cutlet, Bali prawn on stick, followed by a footlong chicken roll. A mongrel nearby stared at me, waiting for a few crumbs to fall off as manna dew. But it didn't happen as the greedy me devored everything, hardly leaving any scope for chunks of chicken to reach the ground, even inadvertently.

It reminded of a funny colloquial story. A starving jackal was lying on a large field, craving for food. He saw a Bull, happily grazing with it's huge b**ls swinging like a low hanging fruit from its behind.

The hungry jackal wouldn't dare attack the Bull, as the giant bovines reaction can be unpredictable. Watching his forbidden fruit swinging vigorously like pendulum from behind, the Jackal thought its fall was imminent and patiently waited for his meal.

Soon it became noon, evening, followed by twilight. No sign of the Bull's b**ls falling off ! The mountain sized bovine moved away after finishing his meal. The frustrated jackal died from starvation.

The moral of this story in Odia :

"ANAAI ANAAI GALANI BELA

 SANDHA PE**A LAGI MALA SIALA".

Meaning...

"Forever Waiting for Bull's Ba*ls to Fall,

 The Jackal Died After All."

Today it was the turn of the poor Doggie to be frustrated a la the hungry jackal. For it the bull's b**ls never fell off in form of in the form of chicken chunks. It forever remained elusive low hanging forbidden fruit for him. He moved on to the next person who kept munching on and shooed it way in a heartless manner - HEY JA JA ( Hey, go away). 

The doggie turned back and looked at me as the better guy who at least didn't shoo it away. This time his wish got fulfilled as I rolled the last chunk of the roll towards him. Wagging its tails, it toungued in that chunk in one attempt. More later....

India trip 2018 - Day IV

While scouring local Odia TV Channels, I saw a promotional video of an Odia movie SUNDARGARH RA SALMAN KHAN. A song in that movie goes as- "HEY CHHORI, TU BEAUTIFUL KANYA KUMARI". Nice to know words "Chhori and Beautiful" are new additions to Odia lexicon. I flipped to another Odia channel where a girl was explaining how to prepare an Odia dish in a very PHULEI (Attention seeking girl) accented Odia - DEKHANTU, EI LA JAWAB DISH, KHAILE SONE PE SUHAGA HEI JIBA. She continued further - EI MASALA TI ETHI "BELONG" KARENI. Disgusted, I switched the TV Off. 

However I learnt a few new Odia terms - La Jawab, Sone Pe Suhaga, Belong etc. Odia must have surpassed the English language in enriching itself by adapting words from other languages - even if Fakir Mohan Senapati and Pandit Nilakantha Das turning in their graves. God bless my mother tongue.

In the meantime some one tried to sell me a residential plot in the outskirts of Bhubaneswar, now marked as premium because it is located on road side. In US, the most coveted residential lots are those located on the cul de sac of the neighborhood with premiums attached to them. In Bhubaneswar, it is other way round. Closer they to the main road, more expensive are they. Two different worlds homes apart.

One of my small plesures of life was fulfilled today - peeing in open air under an open sky (In Odia as they say MUKTA AKASHA TALE), a privilege not so readily available in America. At peak of middle age a softened prostrate can't hold it much any longer. After I consumed couple of glasses of cocunut water, the opportunity to avail this much cherished guilty plessure arrived. I found a secluded location under the cover of darkness on the side of a highway. It can be termed as an eco friendly pee - away from residential area and far from the madding crowd.

Today when I pulled out my credit card to pay, the reluctance to accept it as form of payment was visibly stark from the expression on the face of the cashier. Bet he wasn't so ecstatic to see the plastic, even if the purchase amount was good enough to cover the 2% they need to pay as processing fee to the bank. The cashier gave me unique look - a blend of the feeling of losing a CHARENI (25 paisa coin) and chewing a bitter lemon. Last time I had a similar experience at a merchant as the man at the cash counter said - "SARE, CASH HABANI" (Sir, can't you pay by cash) ? "Sorry, I don't have cash, so please use my Mastercard" - I insisted back.

Reluctantly, he swiped my card. After a minute, he said "AGYAN, MESINI KAMA KARUNI - Card machine doesn't work". I told him to swipe again and leaned over for a closer look. Another guy, think his supervisor, snatched the card from his hand and chastised him, "KIRE MESINI CHALEI JANINU. MATE DE", Don't you know how to run the machine, lemme try". Now the MESINI (machine) worked miraculously and my card went through clean, like a hot knife through butter, resulting in the ejaculation of the receipt, coming out in a stuttering whir.

I have a feeling both of them were acting in unison, a la "Good Cop, Bad Cop". Why so much fuss, NATAKBAJI (histrionics) then ? My guess - One, it's typically the merchant greed, who would love to hold on to that 2% cut at most (transaction and settlement fee has come down a lot these days). Two, these transactions are recorded and accounted for. So, they can't do a Tax FANKI (avoidance), which could come back to haunt them later.

Online Railway and flight reservation in India has cut down the role of touts and middle men and the accompanied corruption. Similarly, more use of credit cards down the road will lead to cleaner, accountable transactions - Adding to national exchequer and substantially subtracting the Tax fraud. It will take time, but more use of plastics in the shop and less use of plastic bags when coming out of it is a step in the right direction. More later....

India trip 2018 - Day III

First night can be painful - the night with jet lag. A stubborn Jet lag can be a real pain in you know what. My body clock simply refuses to relinquish the US Time Zone as I woke up at 2.30 AM this morning. Jet lag for me now seems to get too stubborn to relent as I age. It feels miserable to get up so early in morning, without being able to sleep any further. Kishore Kumar's song from Rajesh Khanna's movie AAP KI KASAM - KARWATE BADALTE RAHE SAARI RAAT HUM (turning sides on bed for whole night) never sounded more prophetic. 

Goodnight Mosquito repellant had its effect, but if you think you are too small to make an impact try going to bed with a mosquito in the room. A couple of them still bothered me as I battled them in the darkness to clap them to death. Thanks to internet, Facebook and my addiction to blogging, I kept myself busy until the murmurung of mosquito gave way to the tom tomimg of GHANTA (brass plate) from a nearby MATH (monastery) sounded like music to me, more musical than the sporadic KAWALIs (group music) from stray dogs. No sooner the gang of musical mongrels on the Eastern end of the street finished with a seqience of wooo.. wooo..woof.. than their western side competitive cousins responded with their musical version of wooo.. wooo...woof. The Kawali sessions continued for the better part of the night with intermittent 10 - 15 minutes of break.

The long arduous wait in darkness paved way to dawn. The eastern sky grew brighter, turning crimson red as the light slowly drove away the darkness. By now the early rays of morning sun sprinkled the trees with a golden hue, giving their dust covered leaves a shining copper coating. The chirping of birds turned louder, so also the sound of GHANTA from the nearby Monastery - sounding the end of its morning session of prayer.

I went over to the balcony to take a peek at the outside world. A Bull was placidly chewing cud under a big mound of sand nearly. Couple of mongrels sleeping nearby noticed the tectonic shift in their surrounding as the giant bovine stood up suddenly, shrugging off sand from his body. The doggies shifted further off to a nearby semi-broken concrete culvert, apparently perceived by them as a more secured, safer location. 

One of the parish dogs tried to sniff his way near to a man plucking flowers leaning over the nearby fence only to be shooed away - HEY HEY JA JA (Hey, hey, go away). The doggie nonchalantly walked away. From distance approached the Newspaper walla (guy). He swung and threw the paper past our main gate with immaculate accuracy and moved on to the next house.

A jet lag can be an irritant, a nuisance especially for those plying between India and United States. The long journey can put one's body clock out of whack, which varies from individuals who experience little or no jet lag, to those who have to make a trip to the Doctor's office for medication when their jet lag stubbornly refuses to relent. Eventually most get over it. For me it lasts for 3 to 5 days, now more on the later side. 

Here are a few tips on how to minimize the jet lag. This is hardly scientific, rather based purely upon personal experience. Try not to sleep during the day. Keep yourself busy, sip some caffeine, especially late in the afternoon when your eyelids refuse to stay open. The more you sleep during the afternoon, longer it takes your body to adapt to the new clock. Also don't forget to drink plenty of water and go easy on food. Don't splurge on fried foods and alcohol when you still have a jet lag, it can cause havoc to your system. 

Last but the least, time is the best healer. Let your body clock take its own sweet time to adjust. If it's already a week since you have landed and the jet lag refuses to go, better see a doctor. More later...