Happy New Year 2018

The year 2017 paves way for the next teen year of the Millennium - stepping into the year 2018. We don't know what's ahead, what's in store for us. As the old man 2017 bends his spine, extending his hand to open the door to welcome New  Year, it's time for some introspection. 

A la getting rid off old cloths for the new ones, the soul moving from one body to another as famously extolled by Lord Krishna in BHAGWAT GITA and Hindu Scriptues, 2017 is reborn yet again at midnight tonight. The new year dawns as the cherubic smile of a newborn, as another number is added to its age in the form of a New Year.

But hardly anything ever changes. Life trudges ahead as just the same shit, different day with different color and texture. Hardly anything cataclysmic different happens, rather more or less the status quo is maintained. We may forget history but we don't forget to repeat it year after year. Similar to this starting stanza of the Kishore's song

EK RUT AAE, EK RUT JAAE PHIR,
MOUSAM BADLENA, BADLE NASEEB.

"One season comes and another goes,
Seasons change not the fateful woes". 

This year came with a mixed bag of good, bad and ugly for me, with additional baggage of memories to roll into next year. Made new friends, revived old ones and lost a few near and dear ones once and for all. Yet the year comes with this stark reminder - life goes downhill from here, tasks become uphill and years are numbered before I go over the hill. 

To me, almost all the New Year wishes expressed over the years have been pleasant enough to makes them forgettable. Homo Sapiens inherent nature is to remember the unpleasant ones. I being no exception, remember this one from 1st January,1982. On the first New Year after his marriage to Diana, Prince Charles wished the nosey British Paparazzi, "Have a Nasty New Year".

Let me repeat the forgettable wish, as I do not forget to do at the end of every year, HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR. Stay blessed.

Salman Tiger ain't my Cuppa Tea

The other day my friends prodded me to watch Salman Khan's some "Tiger" movie playing at a local theater. I have reached a stage and an age with possible maturity to avoid watching the nonsensical theater - the fantasy fetish of a male RAW agent dancing with a female ISI agent.

I refused with my counter offer - "Even if you pay for my tickets and a full pack of ALEVE headache relieving pills in case they come handy, I am not going". They were least interested in taking my offer and went ahead without me.

Sanjeev Kumar in the iconic movie SHOLAY answered Amitabh and Dharmendra duo's querry about hiring them post a staged fight - TUM DONO KO YAHAN BULA KE KOI GALTI NAHI KI ( I have done no wrong by calling both of you here). I feel the same. By refusing to watch Salman as Tiger, MAINE KOI GALTI NAHI KI. It was a sensible thing for me to do.

I had my share of watching many stupid movies in life. One of them which comes to top of my mind is the Hindi movie LOHA (Iron) from 1980s. Amrish Puri is the main villain, the bad guy named DAKU (Bandit) SAITAAN (Devil) Singh, with an explosive Walrus moustache twicked upwards and a thin crop of hair bisecting his bald head. A 5 feet long double barrel gun strapped one side of his shoulder with a thick belt of bullets adoring his waist. He had more hair on his eyebrows than his head, cast with a thick lair of dark KAAJAL (Mascara) under his eyes.

I watched this movie in its entirety, in a bed bug infested theater in Rourkela along with my friends. Bed bugs can bite chunks of your ass off, which is apparent from the sight of viewers coming out of the theatre, scratching their private parts in public.

Those were teenage days when those were appropriate movies of the appropriate time. 1980s was the time when Amitabh was the One Man Bollowood movie industry. He was numero uno till no.10, with no number 11 on sight.

In one such movies the ageless star pushes his car, with an overweight and overaged Amrita Singh opposite him looking over. The song was CHAL CHAL MERE RAM PIARI (Walk on, oh walk on my John Doe), where the Mega star's car named RAM PIARI (the Indian version of the common name Johny) walks besides him, sometimes smiling and winking. This lively car
is apparently alive and kicking, obeys the order of his master who stands and dances along side to the tune of this song.

This movie was from an era when Amitabh, though at his declining phase, still called the shots. So much so that, producers like Manmohan Desai et all churned out one junk after another from him. The girls opposite to him were mostly discarded actresses from yester years, who had nothing to lose except flabs on their waist and everything to gain from standing next to the aging superstar.

There was another junk INSAANIYAT (Humaneness) churned out of the legendary actor's superstardom. Lowering expectations, I continued watching it with some degree of amusement. As expected, Amitabh stood taller, towering above both his co-actors Chunky Pandey and Sunny Deol.

The overshadowed duo in this typical Bollywood formula movie would duel it out to secure their own turf, until our Super hero Amitabh, the peacemaker arrives at the scene. Chunky comes dancing like a monkey, together with Sunny Deol start singing locking their arms around each other "TU MERA BHAI, MEIN TERA BHAI (you are my brother, I am your brother).

Their bromance (brotherly romance) continued. As the song progresses they wrapped arms around each other's waist and touching each other's cheek just short of kissing. Any westerner who would see this might mistake Chunky and Sunny as perfectly eligible for gay marriage.

Now my taste and choice is beyond watching these movies, attaining some degree of maturity in taste as I gallop towards 50, a la Swiss Cheese maturing  over age. Good luck to the viewers who cherish Salman's Tiger series movies. Please count me out, for Salman as Tiger ain't my Cuppa Tea. I would rather prefer to watch the Tiger in a sanctuary.

Beef about Cake

This holiday season reminds me of my childhood when a Christian family used to present us a nice home made fruit cake during Christmas. Those days good quality cake was a luxury in Odisha. Those available tasted more like sugar laced bread. We used to wait eagerly for the once in a year luxury to savor a bite of the soft, pound cake variety.

Only person who was not so excited was my grandmother, for she always had this feeling there could be GORU MANSA (beef) stuffed inside the cake, especially the dark colored KISMIS (Raisins) looked suspicious to her. A brahmin widow from Puri, her perception of Christians and Muslims were perennial beef eaters.

She warned me of my PAITA (sacred thread worn by Brahmins) going MARA (loss of sanctity) upon eating that cake upon which we need to do a penance of taking bath in cow dung laced water sprinkled with GANGAJAL (water from river Ganga), followed by multiple trips to the Puri Jagannath temple. I couldn't imagine doing all these post eating a slice of the cake.

Fortunately I enjoyed my cake without going through those rituals. Now I live in the land which happens to be the largest producer and consumer of the bovine meat. But I am yet to see a single cake that has beef as ingredient labeled on it. So the beef of the story is you can have your cake and eat it too without bothering to get beefed about beef. Enjoy your Christmas holidays and the Cakes.

A daughter is a daughter all life

Among many of us Indians the craze for a male child is always there. Whether we live inside or outside of India or in Moon or Mars, having a son is considered as a boon. A daughter is regarded by many as an unwelcome arrival, a culture we inherited since time immemorial.

Here goes my tentative algorithm (those who work in Information Technology should be familiar with the lingo). It best describes the desire for a male heir - a cherished progeny to carry the lineage to the next generation

PERFORM UNTIL GET SON
   IF DAUGHTER BORN
        CONTINUE PERFORMING
   ELSE
        SET GET SON TO TRUE
   END-IF
END-PERFORM

Among Americans the preference for a male child is there, though to a lesser extent in a more subtle way. The issue in America is not dowry or nagging in-laws or the craze for a son for passing one's linage to the nextgen, rather a desire to have a son to wrestle or play football with.

Or like one of my colleagues put it - A son can bring headaches home but if the issue involves a girl then it is some else's headache. A few years ago I was in a training class where the instructor during the perfunctory self introduction asked all to say a special thing about themself. One guy said "My specialty - I have 5 daughters all in the age range of 12-20." The whole room erupted with laughter.

I did not find this so funny, hence just chuckled a bit lest it would be construed as my foolishness of not understanding something. As the laughter subsided, the instructor asked "So, what is so special about it ?" Well, the 5 - daughter-dad shied, "Having 5 girls in that age range plus your wife, they are half a dozen and I am the only male holding the fort. With their periodic mood swings - they can drive any one crazy maan. But I'm still sane. That itself is so special". Again laughter reverberated across the room.

He continued further - "They just gang up against me maan, I am the lone ranger. They kinda getcha maan, I know it just makes y'all laugh but I am tellin' ya it ain't no laughi'n matter maan. My hair is grayi'n and BP is shooting up. Heart of heart, I always wished I had a son in the house to give me company". 

"Wow, wow", exclaimed many in the room with some ladies giggling with their palms clutching their cheeks uttering great, amazing, unbelievable, awesome. Some protesting - "Ooooo. No. You can't say that". (Americans are quite apt in communication skillls, using superlatives to drive home the message. An example is the common usage of the word great for even the silliest, trivial thing).

When asked how many children he had, the famous boxing legend Muhammad Ali once said "I have seven mistakes and one son". Ironically it came from the mouth of a person who fought his whole life against injustice and inequality".

Blessed are those who have daughters. For,

A daughters is daughter for life,
Son is a son until he gets a wife.

True, and absolutely true these days.

It ain't no shit story

North Korea is very much in the news these days. Apart from it conducting Nuclear and Missile tests, there was a story about its starving farmers starved of fertilizers being instructed by their government to use their faeces instead to boost the crop production. This has led to growing stomach related diseases in that impoverished nation which can be traced to the pathogens in food transmitted from human excreta used as manure.

It reminds me of a story narrated to me by Dipti Bhai, a close friend and my senior from REC, Rourkela. In his native village in Odisha used to live an old man. As many villages those days lacked modern toilets, the man dug up a section of his backyard to use it as his lavatory. The coarse rice, red CHUDA (parched rice), vegetable and SAAGA (green leafy veggies) eating man would squat over his self dug cylindrical hole to take his dump on regular basis, forming pyramids after pyramids barely inches below his bottom.

One fine morning he came up with this creative idea to recycle his output in a productive manner.  So he planted a few DESI ALU or KHAMBA ALU (A tubor, resembling Yam) inside it. The crop was never short of perennial supply of fresh nutrients emanating from his solid dump day in, day out - washed down, irrigated gently by streams Urea from his urine.

The result - A bumper yield of extra large spectra wide sized yams. But neither he, nor the nosey villagers who got the scent of the secret of his successful harvest would take them - for the saga of the success of the underground tubor never stayed underground in the neighborhood.

But that never deterred the old man from selling off his stock of the popular tubor which is used as fries, boiled in Dal (lentil soup) and curried with spices. It is also a major ingredient to the food cooked in temple, including the MAHAPRASAD (The great offering) of Puri Jagannath temple. 

He managed to haul them to the local HAAT (Weekly market) a few miles from his home where the gullible buyers had no clue of the source of these "Desi Alu". To the merchant's amusement they would heave paens of praise about the taste of the supersized veggie, goading him to bring more, more often. Never he imagined the goods from his crap will sell so good.

It is not known if the consumers of the lummox, brown tubor suffered any stomach related ailments. But what is known, the old man got stomach full of satisfaction, the same he got looking at the size of his dump after relieving himself inside the shit hole. This human shit is no bullshit.

America's support to Israel on Jerusalem

So much is made out of India voting against Israel and USA in UN General Assembly. It could at least have abstained. May be the mandarins of our foreign policy sitting in North Block still finds it difficult to shed off their Cold War and Non-alignment mindset.

But it is not the end of the world. These UN votes hardly mean anything. America has already vetoed in Security Council supporting Israel declaring Jerusalem as their Capital. The highly powerful Israeli Lobby AIPAC (America Israel Political Action Committee) bankrolled by the Jewish Billionaires has a big say in formulating pro-Israel foreign policy in Washington.

US has been a steadfast supporter of Israel since the inception of the state in 1948. Harry Truman, the then President of The United States was the first to recognize the Jewish state. Ever since America has given its unstinting support to Israel, in terms of Aids, Weapons and diplomatic support as and when needed.

In June, 1981 following the Israeli strike on the Iraqi Nuclear Reactor on the outskirts of Baghdad, US promptly vetoed any UN resolution against Israel. I still vividly remember this cartoon by R K Laxman on the front page of Times Of India, where the UN Secretary General says to the recalcitrant, mockingly grimacing Israeli PM Menacgem Begin - "The more you launch such an attack, you will be condemned more severely".

36 years down the road, not much has changed. United Nations, arguably the world's biggest, bloated bureaucracy which houses a bunch of entitlement seekers, famous for their efficiency and lack of accountability. A spineless organization, it is known more for failures than success on its Balance Sheet ever since its inception in 1945.

A sizable amount of its maintenance is born by the Americans Taxpayers. Now high time it is dissolved, or US kicks them out of its own soil. What a blatant waste of prime real estate properties in New York and Washington DC, which can be used for far better purpose.

The nations in United Nations, in contrary to the name suggests, are hardly United. In spite of tons of money poured into many poor nations (mostly American money), those nations still languish in poverty. Those who have succeeded in moving 10s of millions out of poverty (notably China and India), have done so by helping themselves and with some help from Private charitable agenies, rather than anything remotely from UN.

At least a year ago Saudi Arabia headed the UN council of Human Rights. Amongst its other members is China, another Champion of human rights violation, completing the league of distinguished gentlemen of the so called protectors of Human rights.

The Security Council is used as the personal fiefdom of its veto wielding members, to further their own selfish agenda. It has hardly achieved any world peace and stability, which was supposed to be the primary goal when the organization was formed 70 years ago.

Now Philippines not so long ago threatend to come out if UN, a trend would be set for more nations to come out of this behemoth global Babudom. Hopefully it is the harbinger of the demise of this monolithic structure, the sooner the better.

So, Why stick to an institute which after scores of years of existence, has far more failures than achievements to its credit. In my opinion completely getting rid of it, won't hurt anything. A world without UN will be more or less the same - sans billions of wasted dollars.

Why Modi won Gujarat 2017

Yes, Modi won Gujarat, not BJP. We are a parliamentary democracy in the name only - in reality our Elections are fought Presidential style. This is not something new. A la during the heydays of Indira Gandhi, there is no one now who is close to Narendra Modi in caliber and charisma.

First and foremost, Love it, or hate it -BJP is a cadre based party which is professionally managed, having members withinsatiable hunger for win, often by hook or crook. BJP started with back foot, with 20 plus years of incumbency and GST mess up hanging like albatross across its neck. But still it managed to win, albeit by a reduced margin. It's winner take all world in politics. The 2nd place party, however less may be its margin of loss, does not get to rule, rather seats in the opposition. BJP has taken a cue from the erstwhile Congress and mastered the art of winning.

On the other hand, Congress as a party still lives in 1980s. It talks of democracy but its leaders are coronated - a son following the mother at the highest level (Yes, so far it's the trend, son following a mother - Rajeev followed Indira, Rahul followed Sonia). Without infusion of fresh ideas, narratives, imagination and new blood, rot has sipped into the party which can't forever run by a person who thinks a superior king is destined to rule over inferior subjects.

Hindus constitute 85% of India's population but are divided along the lines of multiple castes and sub castes. BJP's strength is consolidation of the Hindu votes, the more it unites them, the better it performs. It' played to its strength, doing that. Congress's strength is minority votes, especially in states where they form a credible opposition to BJP. The more it can pull chunks of castes from the Hindu vote bank, it's better.

BJP as expected played to its strength, Congress did not. Rahul Gandhi's cardinal mistake was to play soft Hindutva card. One should play to one's own strengths, not opponent's. Do you think Modi wear a scull cap or visit Mosques and Churches will drive minorities in droves to vote for him ?

BJP was smart to grab Mani Aiyar's foot and mouth disease or any thing it could hang on to make the Congress party and Congressmen look nincompoop. All said and done - Gujarat
is a highly charged state in communal matters. The post Godhra riots in 2002 was a major one, but certainly not the first one. There were many riots before, especially one I remember from 1985 which happened after Rath Yatra (Car Festival) in Ahmedabad.

The then Congress government at both center and the state dilly dallied, hardly did anything to control it. In this context the spectre of Mian Ahmed Patel taking over Gujarat was the last thing for the voters wanted, tilting the decisive votes to the saffron party. BJP filled in the gap as the party which cares for Hindus above castes. Politics is matter of perception and BJP was able to connect this to the voters with its narrative, however flawed it may be.

Rahul Gandhi's cardinal mistake was to play soft Hindutva. One should play to one's own strengths, not opponent's. Don't think Modi wearing a scull cap or visiting Mosques and Churches will drive minorities in droves to vote for him.

A lesson for BJP and Modi -  It should shed off its complacency and keep working harder. For, a week is a long time in politics, a year and half to the 2019 Parliament election is eons away.

The great culinary delicacies of Odisha

Seven summers ago I was in Odisha, dutifully fulfilling the role of the MAMU (Maternal Uncle) on the occasion of BRATAGHARA (thread wearing) ceremony of my nephew. During the evening I was tasked at taking care of the guests, guiding them to the right menu location, ensuring they ate well and well taken care of.


A gentleman approached me - PANIYARI KOUTHI ACHHI (Where is Paniyari) ? As my mind was struggling to decipher the new lexicon in Odia dictionary, some one cleared the air. He means PANEER (A Thick variety of cottage cheese) spoken in thick Odia accent (some pronounce it as Paniree too).

Poor CHHENA (the traditional Odia loose, paste like loose chunks of cottage cheese) is fast losing its customer base to the Paniyari, a la an invasive pest thrives and takes over the host. Taste wise it is hardly close to our traditional CHHENA TARKARI (Cheese curry), yet due to our inferiority complex and fascination to ape anything foreign has made Paniyari taken a firm foothold on the state's capital.

Odisha has a great array of culinary delicacies for every occasion, so listing all of them is beyond the scope of this blog. During my childhood there used to be saying -

ARISA, KAKARA AHA KI MITHA
(Arisa resembes hard doughnuts and Kakara its softer version are so sweet).

These days those traditional PITHA (cake) items are seen more sold at  stores and less made in households.

The traditional Odia food is not just about sweet and delicious, being more water and less oil based, healthy too. The dishes like SANTULA, GHANTA (assorted vegetable curries) and DALMA (boiled soup like mix of lentil and veggies) are not only good for arteries, great for cleansing your colon - it can cure chronic constipation guaranteeing a bowel movement as clean as whistle.

The wide spectrum of Odia food goes above and beyond vegetarian base. MANSA KASA (Goat meat griddled in varieties of spices) is a must at most Sunday lunches, though Chicken is the new kid on the block. Endowed with long coastline, brackish water, criss crossing rivers, lakes and ponds contributes to its myriad dishes of fish, shrimp, prawn and crabs. Pandit Gopabandhu Das, a leading Odia freedom fighter and philanthropist has expressed his fetish for prawn -

HAIO CHUNGUDI KAHIN,
GHUNGUDI MARIBA KAHAKU KHAI ?
Roughly transliterated...

Hey, the prawn is not seen.
What'll make us snore in the afternoon ?

The KATAKA Mixture, a popular snack can beat any Haldiram snack by miles, but rarely available outside. It's CHHENA based sweets like RASAGOLA and CHHENA JHILLI (Sugary cheese balls), CHHENA PODA (Baked cheese cake) simply mouthwatering, melts in the mouth. I haven't encountered any sweet dish across the world which can beat these world beaters from my native state.

The eminent writer Khushwant Singh once wrote that the way the Sikhs are getting rid of their facial hair and turbans soon they would cease to be a separate identify, eventually melting with Hindus. Won't be surprised if the same fate awaits the Odias, their culture and traditions of which the food forms an integral part - facing extinction in the next quarter of century.