The vagaries of life

Dr. Ferguson, the infectious disease modeler who predicted deaths in US might reach 2.2 million tested positive for Coronavirus.

Sometimes I wonder about the vagaries of life. A doctor who cures patients from incurable diseases, often falls pray to mundane ailments. Many doctors, some of them my close friends who give lengthy lectures about the bad effects of tobacco and alcohol are perennial chain smokers, champion chewers of ZARDA (scented tobacco) and frequently get doused in liberal dosage of sundowners.

Doctors aren't the only ones to fall into the category. Great bowlers who take the wickets of the best of the best batsmen often get out to ordinary bowlers. Excellent astrologers who can predict other's future with immaculate accuracy can barely control their own fate. Burglaries in policemen's home aren't so uncommon.

Strange are the ways of life. Many politicians and celebrities have double lives and double (often multiple, though not legal) wives. Many Conservative Christian Evangelists, famous for their belief - "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" have been infamously caught with their gay partners.

Many regular Church going, wedding ring flaunting, believers in family values and virulent critics of the then President Bill Clinton's debauchery were caught with their concubines. One was Georgia's Congressman New Gingrich - a staunch conservative and vocal votary of the impeachment trial against Clinton was caught having affair with his secretary.

Another was his colleauge Larry Craig, a Conservative Republican Idaho senator who was highly critical of Clinton's morals was caught red handed soliciting gay sex in Minneapolis airport.

Many temple going BHAKTs (devotees) and PRAVACHAN givers (preachers) whose sermon espouses EKA PATNI BRATA (belief in single spouse), siting the example of Lord Ram and Devi Sita, are known to be champion womanizers.

Khushwant Singh in his autobiography had mentioned about Moulana Azad, one of our founding fathers and freedom fighters. Moulana would spend his evenings sipping Scotch in his privacy and would be curt if intruded.

Obviously Maulana got to be secretive about this habit, for it could have impacted his image in public, especially being from the Muslim community. Such public figures leading a double life is not something new. The list is endless. This inherent hypocrisy has to do with our tendency to do do something in private and preach something in public.

A 73 year old guy once told me - I am perplexed by the hypocrisy of my generation who now preach morality and abstinence to their children. The irony is, they never cared about these virtues when they were young, growing up in the wild 1960s and 70s. Odd are the ways of of life and its vagaries.

Recollection of a Spooky story in virus time

At a time when Coronavirus has gone viral, I am reminded of this story narrated by me by my grandfather about another virus from another time. It was Smallpox virus which was epidemic during his childhood days which virtually wiped out entire families in our village and its neighborhood.

During one such time in Spring when my grandfather was a teenager, small pox scourge was widespread in his village and vicinity. It had already taken scores of life in the area. During the epidemics the entire village shut down after dark. As soon as twilight set in, the villagers liberally filled huge earthen pots with PITHA (cakes made from rice and grams), PANAA (a sweetened puree made from yogurt and fruits like Banana and Stone Apples or BEL). Though meant for the consumption of MAA SITHALAA (The Goddess of Pox) and kept outside, the pariah Dogs who had plenty of food used to get fat during this time. Nobody was sure if someone else was eating from those pots, until the following incident.

A middle aged Brahmin from a nearby village was returning after dark to his home. A tall and strong man, also known as a brave man of the area, not afraid of anything or anybody. It wasn't too late into the night, but as the villagers were confined to their home due to the all pervasive fear the milieu was eerie and quite. On the outskirts of the village was an earthen lamp near a big pot filled with the evening offering of Pitha and Pana for Goddess Sithala.

As the man approached the bend near that spot and got closer to it, through the dim light he could see the shadowy figure of a woman. She was sitting, with her back facing him, as her long hair almost touched the ground. The guy who had guts and well known not to be afraid of supernatural things, got curious. 

Holding on to his LATHI (Stick) using his strong grip, he asked - "Who are you ? What are you doing here ?" The woman sat unmoved, nonchalantly continuing to eat from the earthen pot. The man now repeated his uttering, "Who are you ? What are you doing here ? This is my last warning. If you don't tell me who are you, I am going to hit you". He lifted his Lathi.

The woman now turned her head and showed him her face. Whatever he saw, the man was dumbstruck. Starting to shiver, he kept running towards village. No sooner he reached the first house, than he started frantically knocking the door, yelling at top of his voice. 

A few villagers ventured out holding their DIBI (Earthen light) and Lantern to find the man sweating profusely. He was given some water to relax by the empathetic but anxious villagers. But the guy was scared to death. Stammering, he blabbered on, narrating his experience. Suddenly his body temperature shot up. He collapsed and passed away.

Next morning this story spread to the nearby villages, including ours. But from that day, the Small pox meance which scared the locals to death miraculously vanished. Those who had already contracted the disease quickly recovered. Not a single new case was reported in the area in that season.

Current Republicans are now Trump Socialists

In crisis we tend to be socialists. Trump was never an ideological Republican. In fact in late 1990s he considered himself as a Democrat (he said it on Larry King Live show on CNN). He is an opportunist politician who took the path of GOP (As Republican party is called) to come to power. Now unlike a Conservative Republican he has no qualms about signing a $2 trillion spending bill as long as it gets him reelected in an election year.

Look at the $2 trillion spending bill just passed. The unprecedented rescue package has extended Unemployment Insueance for 4 months, would give direct cash payments to 90% of Americans, and provide a $367 billion program for small businesses to keep making payroll while workers are forced to stay home. 

All these would have been anathema to Conservative Republicans. Under normal circumstances the GOP and the Right wing conservative media would have gone mad with all these provisions on this bill many features which would make Bernie Sanders who advocates democratic socialism proud. You would have to point gun to their heads to make them agree with the Democrats whom they had no qualms branding them as socialist or for the worst a Communist. It needs to be reminded that the same Republicans opposed tooth and nail to Obama's $750 billion stimulus spending in 2009 are supporting a similar yet much larger price tag of $2 trillion.

Now the so called Conservative Republicans are conspicuously silent on this gargantuan amount of $2 trillion spending which is more than the annual GDP of at least 6 countries in the world. They have to, given the extremely high popularity of Trump with the Republican base. 

In American electoral system, not just the President but any Senator or House of Representative has to go through the nomination process through Primaries where the Party's base votes. So, if Trump says his obedient base not to nominate a particular Republican, that candidate is toast. (It is akin to anybody going against Modi telling the BJP not to give ticket to someone). Any Republican defying Trump is tantamount to inviting political death.

I have nothing against the Republican party. It is the Grand Old Party, the party of Lincoln. I have great friends who are Republicans. But the party has been hijacked by Donald Trump. The current breed of Republicans have become his lackeys (even before this crisis). It is no more your father's or grandfather's Republican party. It is Trump Party where Trumpism has it's way - Republican or Conservative principles be damned. 

Coronavirus and Tom Hanks

In his epic movie CASTAWAY Tom Hanks, who is one of my favorite actors is stranded in a remote island as the small plane he was travelling in crashes somewhere in the middle of the endless Pacific.

As he settles settled down in that island, manages to light fire and survive on Coconuts and Sea food, he makes friendship with a Volleyball he names as "Wilson". He keeps his sanity in company of Wilson with whom he spends time in unilateral chatting.

Tom Hanks tries to figure out his approximate position inside the vast Pacific Ocean. He flew around 10 hours west of Memphis before his plane went down after getting caught in a severe thunderstorm. Positioning himself in the island, he was trying to estimate the search area in case someone trying to find him.

Assuming the search takes place in a circular area of 500 mile radius, it would be = Pi × r^2 = 3.14 ×500×500 = 785,000 square miles. That's more than twice the size of Texas. Tom Hanks tells Wilson - "They may never find us again".

Similarly they're saying that 40% - 70% of the American population may get infected with Coronavirus. US population is 330 million, so taking the lower end of 40%, 150 million Americans may get the virus. Even if 1% of that number die, it will be 1.5 million which a gargantuan number.

Ironically Tom Hanks is one of 41,000 Americans who has tested positive for Coronavirus. In this movie "Castaway" he is luckily discovered by a shipping liner as he makes a last ditch effort to get away from the island on a makeshift flotilla. This is a movie and in celluloid world magic happens. But not so in the real world. I am sure it will get better, not before getting worse.

Funny poets and folklores of Odisha

We have heard many witty stories, from the legendary Birbal of Akbar's court to his Southern counterpart, Tenali Raman from the court of Raja Krishna Dev Ray. In Odisha we have our Kabi Jadumani, a poet with ready wit humor. He was the court poet patronized by King (more like a Chiftain or Vassal than a King) Binayak Singh Madhata of the Princly state of Nayaharh, Odisha. 

He was the Dewan of the King, his employer yet remained poor most of this life. There are several funny anecdotes ascribed to him. Once Jadumani was busy replacing the thatched roof of his house, when the King's son came to summon him to the courtyard. An irrited Jadumani uttered - SALA BAPA JEMITI, PUA SEMITI (Like father, like son). 

The prince overheard it and told this to his father. In the court the King queried Jadumani if the latter said so. To everyone's surprise the Dewan said yes. At the same time he explained it - "CHHAMU (My Lord). As I was putting the straw pallets on my roof the father (Wind) was blowing the pallets away. At the same time a gang of monkeys (monkey God Hanuman is regarded as son of the Wind God Vayu) troubled him by jumping on the roof and scattering the straws away. The King and Courtiers burst into laughing, saving his day.

Once Jadumani described a barren land useless for cultivation given as a gift to him in his Odia Sonnet.

Andha Desa re gali

Darpana Biki,

Kandha Hata re Deli

Godhana Teki,

Kamuda Ghoda buke

Deli Chumbana.

Emanta Bhuin !

Chakunda Buni le Uthai nahi.

(I went to sell mirrors

 In the country of blind,

 To the tribal I offered 

 The wealth of bovine,

 Kissed the cheeks of

 A biting horse.

 O What a land !

 A Chakunda tree doesn't grow a strand.)

Chakunda is a wild tree seen in coastal Odisha which grows almost everywhere. Jadumani described the uselessness of the land gifted to him in his colloquial witty way.

Last but the least, most Odias from our generation must have heard about our legendary GOPALA BHANDA (Gopal, the mischievous prankster). Not sure if such a person really existed. In all likelihood he is a fictional character with rustic wit, ascribed to a plethora of local jokes.

One famous anecdote involves Gopal Bhanda and his employer King. Once the royalty was blessed with a child. The elated King asked his favorite court jester Gopala, how the later felt about the King having a newborn child.

The later responded, "CHHAMU (My Lord), my feeling is similar to the relief one gets subsequent to taking a huge dump, especially after a complete clearance of the bowel as clean as a whistle".

The King was furious and sentenced his court jester to death. The witty Gopal asked the King for a last wish to serve the king a big meal (rumored to be laced by with JAMALA, a high fibre laxatives given to horses to relieve constipation), to be followed by a joint boat ride inside a lake. The king felt flabbergasted by this wierd request, but nevertheless obliged to the last wish of his favorite jester.

After a few hours in the middle of the lake all of a sudden the King was overwhelmed by Nature's call, feeling a sudden urge to relieve himself. He pleaded Gopal Bhanda to oar the boat towards the shore. Gopal delayed it long enough for the King to beg him to row faster.

No sooner he got close to the shore, than the King jumped off the boat and started steeplechasing through the shallow water, aiming to go behind the bushes. But unable to hold himself any further, the King to his embarassment was forced to evacuate himself on the white river sand.

Moments later, a much relieved and relaxed King, ensuring no one was watching him, came with a big smile and forgave his jester. Now in a pleasant mood, he admitted that he completely misunderstood Gopal Bhanda and rewarded the later with several gold coins. 

I do remember a CHATI (thin) Odia book GOPALA BHANDA RAHAHASYA (The mythical Gopal Bhanda), mostly available near Bus Stands in Odisha. It must contain many more such acecdotes ascribed to him. It is perhaps there in our house in Bhubaneswar. I will grab it when I get a chance.

ANASARA of Lord Jagannath and Coronavirus quarantine

Coronavirus has prompted us to go into a phase of quarantine and social distancing. My son's High School is closed and I am instructed to work from home for the unforeseen future. Many Restaurants aren't letting customers in, only allowing them to order online or take "to go" meals at drive through pickups. 

There is nothing novel regarding the concept of quarantine in order to stay away from virus and convalesce. A la humans, our Lord Jagannath has a human aspect when he goes on a self imposed quarantine before the famous Rath Jatra (Chariot Festival) in the month of June - July. Like a normal human being he eats, takes a shower on SNANA PURNIMA (the full moon day for bath) and falls sick. But unlike humans, the Lord doesn't infect anyone except with infectious BHAKTI (Devotion).

Following this, He suffers from fever for several days until the day of RATHA JATRA when he travels to his MAUSI's (sister of his mom) house a few miles away sitting on a chariot named NANDIGHOSA. His brother Balabhadra and sister Subhadra also travel with him in separate chariots. 

Coinciding with handful of days prior to the arrival of monsoon in Odisha, this time is accompanied by stifling heat and humidity - perfect concoctions for a viral bug bite. This particular phase is locally called as ANASARA GULUGULI (muggy) days. The almost static air, pregnant with water vapor and barely moving a leaf on the trees becomes unbearable. It feels like a melting man with hardly any relief on sight. The local populace take solace from a free Sauna for a few days, praying for early advance of monsoon.

Now we are doing exactly the same - hibernating, socially distancing and staying quarantined, trying to stay safe from the Coronavirus. Only difference, CHAKAA AKHI SABU DEKHUCHI (The Round Eyed Lord, as Sri Jagannath is referred to is omniscient and foresees everything). But we, mere humans have no idea what's in store for future.

RIP Vidyarthi Madam

Vidyarthi madam, who was our teacher and Headmistress in D.M. School, Bhubaneswar where I finished my school just passed away. I remember her for inculcating the habit of brief and concise writing in me. Her daughter (with Tom boy like short hair, unusual in the year 1981-82) who was studying in College was tutored by my father. 

Occasionally madam would  accompany her daughter to our house if my father's tuition was scheduled in the evening hours. Those days girls often needed company during night time to return home, as the culture in early 1980s wasn't so liberal in Bhubaneswar.

Once when she was at our home, she instructed me to write the causes leading to World War II. I wrote almost a 6 page essay. She told me - "Your writing is fine. But in CBSE final board exam you are required to write the answer within a 250 word limit. I rewrote my answer and showed her the next time. 

Amidst chatting with my mother in accented Odia and sipping tea as my dad was tutoring his students, she went through my answer while I waited with bated breath (she came from outside Odisha, so wasn't very proficient in Odia at that time. My mother who barely knew Hindi or English found it hard to communicate with her). I was nervous, as she was not just our history teacher, she was the headmistress of our school.

Madam said, "Your answer looks good. If you continue writing like this, you are going to fetch a good score in Board Exam and beyond". I was ecstatic as the praise came from Vidyarthi madam, our headmistress.

When I got 121 out of 150 in Social Science paper, (consisting of History, Geography and Civics) that's about 80%, not bad those days the 10th Board, I remembered her gracious admiration. Since the day of her advice I strive to avoid lengthy, redundant stuff in my writing. Vidyarthi madam is one of my teachers who have left indelible mark in my life and I will be forever grateful to her for that. RIP, madam in heaven. Om Shanti.