My Corona Diary

Today I was supposed to travel to India on a month long vacation. I planned the trip way back in January, bought my tickets in advance in Delta Airlines (Atlanta - Delhi - Atlanta) and in Air India (Delhi - Bhubaneswar- Delhi). Never in my wildest of dreams I ever imagined that I will have to cancel my tickets (cancelling tickets does not mean anything now at a time when Flights aren't operating). 

As I completed two months of working from home, social distancing, rubbing sanitizers and frequently washing my hands, the first long weekend of the year is approaching in this unusual time of COVID-19. Most years I go on vacation at this time of the year - the last Monday of May being first Holiday since January in a country where number of holidays are limited. When I should be munching succulent Mangoes and stripping off white flesh off Lychees in 100 degree (38°C) heat of Bhubaneswar, I am hunkered down in my bunker inside in Georgia. 

My trip to India this time was supposed to be eventful. A diehard Modi BHAKT (Blind follower) not long ago threatened me in Odia "Bhubaneswar KU ASILE GODEI GODEI KHANDA RE HANIBI" - will hack you down with a sword by chasing you soon after you land at Bhubaneswar. He probably saw one of Shakti Kapoor's movies where the perpetual badass of Bollywood cinema was chased by the hero Mithun Chakraborty with a scimitar on hand as his fitting finale revenge.

I would have loved all of you to arrive one fine sunny morning upon my arrival at the Bhubaneswar Airport not to miss this classic scene of me running bare bodied only attired in my CHADDI (underwear), chased by a sword holding guy. You could have recorded it for posterity and shared on social media. It would have assured you of getting million plus hits. Unfortunately, the spectacle of the century needs to wait. COVID-19 put a wrench on the wheels on my dream and dreams of many.

These days I shave once a week. While shaving I am reminded of the popular Palmolive Shaving Cream Commercial during my growing up days in India - "Kapil Dev, tough cricketer, tough beard". I am not a tough person from any angle, but my razors stumble on my stubble gained in a week, giving me a tough time. Shaving saga apart, so far I have managed to save my job as tens of millions of Americans join unemployed bandwagon every week. Things not looking so good at this moment.

This is not the only thing I have saved so far as my expenses are inadvertently curtailed. I am not helping Uncle Sam as much as 2/3rd of US Economy is fuelled by consumer spending. Despite record low gas prices, I don't drive more than 10 miles a week. I filled gas only once in last couple of months. Under normal circumstances, I fill up my gas tank at least once every other week. Not anymore. That's a first time in America in nearly quarter of a century. 

Yet on a positive note, I help the environment. Lesser use of car means less emission of toxic greenhouse gas. My environmental support doesn't stop there. Lesser use of Office resources like computer printouts, electricity, elevators, AC and so on. I can proudly proclaim of saving some trees and restricting the use of CFC (CloroFluoroCarbon).

When I feel bored I used to loiter around Groceries and Pharmacy Stores, Strip Malls (usually avoid Malls. I feel them artificial and boring, though I love their food courts). Now I am the only person in my family who goes out, very frugally no more than couple of times a week to buy groceries and run other errands. Define monotony.

I hate alcohol during the day. But the Coronavirus has forced me to do so - in the form of hand sanitizers and alcohol soaked hand wipes. While entering the store, I use hand sanitizer and after returning back to my car I use again. I wash my hands way too often and way too long, thanks to this nouveau virus - would have been easily branded as SUCHIBAI ROGI (An Odia slang for a psychological patient with the habit of compulsive cleanliness, a tell-tale sign of insecurity). Taking no chances against this dreaded COVID-19. Have no desire to get infected and gift it to my family. Twitching the usual Odia proverb a bit - "HATHA DHOU THA, GUNA GAU THA" (Wash you hands, sing paeans of praise of COVID-19). Learning to stay safe the hard way.

My first tryst with Corona was not virus, rather a brand of shoes. During my childhood days there were only a handful of decent shoe stores in Bhubaneswar, prominent were Bata, Corona and BSC brand carrying stores in Unit II. I could relate to a friend of mine in school who had an aura about him, his claim to fame was following ABBA, Boney M music. There were hardly anyone to fact check on him. Often he used to sing something with snorted lips, which resembled "Corona...Shoes.....Shoes....Shoooooes.. Whoooos". I was completely spellbound. Ignorance can be bliss, but for me it metamorphosed into sheer adulation. That's the only Corona I was aware of until the arrival of another kind earlier this year.

A person once went to an astrologer, who after seeing his chart said " After two years you will enter into a state of poverty and start begging". "What will happen after that ?" asked the person who now was somewhat concerned. The astrologer responded "You will get used to it". Eventually we will get used to COVID-19. 

BIHANGA BIPLABA - Mutiny of the birds

Remember the story BIHANGA BIPLABA (The Mutiny of Birds) from our School SAHITYA (Odia literature) textbook ? Taught to us in Class VI, it is a very funny story with powerful connotations.

A bunch of birds protested to their Bear King against the ordeals they had to go through in their jungle milieu. The wise King gave them a patient hearing. He was about to give his verdict in their favor, when the clever monkey againdt whom the birds revolted, intervened to manipulate his decision by bribing the King with a ripened Jackfruit, a delicacy for the animal (Asiatic Bears are fine climbers, known to go up the Jackfruit trees and feast on them). 

The shrewd monkey threw a hint to the Bear King - "TIKE AGAKU PACHHAKU DEKHI BICHAARA KARANTU" (Please deliver your verdict after looking at both front and back sides. Lost in translation, the phrase TIKE AGAKU PACHHAKU DEKHI in Odia carries its own meaning). 

The old King didn't see anything in front, but behind the back of his throne he saw the ripe Jackfruit, enough to lure him into reversing his verdict, now favorable to the monkey.The betrayed birds took their anger on the Bear King by swooning over him, mauling him to death. I still fondly remember a sentence from that story - RE KAAU RAAU RAAU HUANA (Hey crow, don't caw with you coarse voice).

Jackfruit is synonymous with the summer season in Odisha. It brings back memories from home. Come late spring and early summer (Spring comes early in India in the month of February & Summer in April), it's time to savor the raw variety of this fibrous fruit in the form of fries, curry or part of DALMA (an Odia dish of boiled lentils &veggies). Its high fiber assues a bowel movement clean as whistle.

As the Spring gives way to Summer, the fruit starts to ripen, reaching its peak before the advent of monsoon. In late summer the ripened Jackfruits form an essential part of the Odia festive occasions of Savitri and Raja. In my native village, we owned an orchard filled with Jackfruit trees. Most fruitful of them were given various nicknames, based on their color, texture and taste. A particular one, leaning right into the river BHARGAVI was called PODA RANGI PANASA (Smouldering Red Jackfruit) for its bright red color and sweet, succulent pulp.

Not just Puri's vicinity, Bhubaneswar then was a sleepy township of salaried people was filled with Jackfruit trees, quite a common sight inside the compounds of the government quarters. It was closely followed by Papaya, SAJANA CHHUIN (Drumsticks) trees. During the summer months one can see huge cylindrical jackfruits protruding from their trunks, a la the sagging fats of an enormous Sumo wrestler.

When they start to ripen, this fruit emits a strong smell which attracts bats, bears and jackals - the name jackfruit probably comes from the later. Though Jackels can't climb trees, the feast on the ripe fruits near trunk of the trees almost touching the ground. However, bears don't mind climbing atop to devour the succulent inside.

It brings a deja vu feeling in me of my childhood summer trips to our village when passing through TOTA (orchard) one can smell the ripe jackfruit from a distance. The villagers back then used to cherish the juice extracted from ripe jackfruits, occasionally mixed with milk and often consumed during dinner. Not sure if it's the same these days.

Tini Tunda Re Chheli Kukura

Nazi Germany's propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels famously said - "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it". He wasn't far from the truth.

But far before the rise of Hitler, more than a thousand year ago in Ancient India our master storyteller Vishnu Sharma elucidated the same in one of his famous stories from his PANCHA TANTRA (The five treatise) as follows.

Once a group of three friends saw a Brahmin carrying a goat on his shoulders. They wanted to acquire the goat for themselves and came up with a master plan. The first friend walked to the Brahmin and addressed him acting perplexed - "Sir, you are carrying a pig on your shoulders". "Are you out of your mind ? Can't you see that I am carrying a goat ?" - dismissed the Brahmin. 

After a while the second guy appears in front of the Brahmin and starts laughing at him - "Pundit jee, how silly of you to carry a donkey on your shoulder ?". "What ? Today it seems I am having a bad day, encountering some blind and crazy people", said the Brahmin and walked on.

No sooner he had walked a furlong further, than he saw the third guy who approached him with an inquisitive look - "O' the pious one. How on earth a sacred brahmin like you is carrying a dirty animal like dog on your shoulder ?" The Brahmin was now scared to death. He was convinced that he is not carrying a goat but a ghost who is metamorphing into different animal forms. He threw the goat away and fled, leaving it to mercy of the three amigos.

We have heard of the Odia proverb "TINI TUNDARE CHHELI KUKURA", meaning when word travels across three mouths, a goat can be transformed into a dog. So true. As words gets transported from mouth to mouth they can get distorted beyond words. Same thing happens when a message travelling on the Social media gets metamorphosed with its far reaching consequences with ripple effects.

North korea does similar propaganda. The commoners in their country believe that their Dear Leader Kim Jung Un, his father and grandfather before him don't pass urine, nor defecate. They are simply superhuman bearing superpower. Day in, day out lies blasted by their state run media ingrain this weird notion in their gullible head about their perfectly human leaders.

No wonder Trump loves and idolizes Kim Jung Un and sundry dictators like him. He pontificates some of the dangerous lies at time of this Coronavirus crisis which has already claimed nearly 60,000 lives in America. In one of his widely covered White House briefings he advocated intake of disinfectants to get rid of the morbid, obnoxious virus.

It was soon followed by several calls in across in America with people asking if they can consume disinfectants like Clorox to cleanse themselves of Coronavirus. A la those gullible in America who blindly follow Trump, their counterpart extreme Right wingers in India (alluded as BHAKTs) have traced almost all the modern innovations and inventions, everything from Airplanes, Television to Internet to some Sage or Baba from 5,754 BC. Any rational person questioning the veracity of such idiotic propaganda is readily branded as unpatriotic, a perfect candidate for migrating to Pakistan.

Such characteristics are dangerous for Scientific temper and future. But the politicians shamelessly use this for cheap political gains. After all TINI TUNDARE CHHELI KUKURA. A lie repeated three times after all a truth. Repeated 100 times, it becomes gospel.