Tea, Coffee or Pee

 This year 2025 is not a leap year. Once every 4 years, February being a leap year comes with an extra day of 29th attached to the fag end of it. Last year 2024 was no exception. Leap year calculation follows a complex logic. For being a leap year, it has to be evenly divided by 4 or 400. But if a year is evenly divided by 100, but not 400, it is not a Leap Year. Hence, year 2000 was a leap year. Year 1900 wasn't a leap year, 2100 isn't going to be one either. But year 2400 is going to be.

As per the Roman Calendar the month of February had initially 30 days. This poor month was chopped off couple of days. Julius Caesar after whom the month of July was named took a day out of February added it to July making the later a month of 31days. Same was done to the month of August by Emperor Augustus who snatched away another day from February and added it to August, the month named after him making it 31 days. So February was left with 28 days, making it a short month. Thanks to the Leap Year, every 4 years February enjoys an extra day as a consolation prize.

As we step into the last day in February, it reminds me about Morarjee Desai who in the year 1977 became India's Prime minister at the age of 84. When a reporter questioned him about his age, the witty PM said - "I am just 21 year old young man", alluding to his date of birth - his birthday occuring once every four years as he was a leap year child, born on 29th of February.

During his stint as Prime Minister of India, it was often heard in the power corriders of Delhi - When you visit the Prime minister's office you will be offered Coffee, Tea or Pee, alluding to Desai's habit of drinking his own pee first thing in the morning, which supposedly kept diseases away. Not sure if any of his visitors was offered to pee (as drinking is pronounced in Odia and Hindi) the Prime Minister's pee for better health.

But he had his share of escapades related to this early morning urine therapy, which was earlier reported in a leading Indian magazine. Once during his tenure as Prime Minister he visited Paris where he was invited to dinner by an official. After the esteemed guest left, the host's wife who had what we call in Odia "Suchibai" or excessive cleanliness tendency reportedly instructed her husband to throw away all the utensils used by Morarjee Desai rather than send it to the dishwasher. Imagine the plight of those sitting close to him, who were aware about his pee therapy ! How about a Good Morning kiss dear after a glass of pee !!! 

Desai lived until the ripe age of 99. Many attribute his longevity to his Urine Therapy. A strict vegetarian and self proclaimed Gandhian from Gujarat, he also shunned alcohol. His faddism prompted him to impose prohibition in the state of Maharastra when he was the Chief Minister of the state. It failed there, as prohibition has failed in Gujarat, other states and everywhere in world. Our politicians espouse Mahatma Gandhi's name for political purposes, but hardly practise any of what Bapu stood for, including non-violence. The champion hypocrites, most Indian politicians drink alcohol while in public they advocate  puritanism.

Morarjee Desai had his share of controversies surrounding him. His son Kanti Desai was accused of smuggling while travelling abroad accompanying his father during his tenure as Prime Minister. The allegation was never proved. He said that Indira Gandhi did not spank her son Sanjay during childhood, making the later a spoilt brat. Yet Morarjee was accused of turning blind eyes to his son's illegal activities. Talk about double standards.

Desai's partisan behavior can be best explained by the episodes from our epic MAHABHARAT. The PUTRAMOH (attachment to son) of King Dhritarastra made him turn a blind eye to the activities of his son Duryodhan. The same was apparent in Guru Dronacharya. No sooner the legendary teacher-figter-archer was mischievously told the half truth about Ashosthama's death (elephant bearing the same name as his son) than he lost his zeal to fight and leading the Kaurava Army and stepped down. Dhrustadyumna finished the rest.

Guru Dronacharya also refused to take warrior Karna as his disciple - telling the his Charioteer dad in front of Karna that he only teaches children of Kings and KHYATRIYAs (Warriors). Seeing Drona teaching his son Ashwasthama Karna asked the Guru - "Who is this boy" ? "My child Aswasthama"- replied Dronacharya. "He is neither a Khatriya nor a Prince" - was Karna's punchline as he exposed the Brahmin's hypocrisy. Drona never liked Karna, though they fought in the same camp.

Turning a blind eye to son wasn't the only shortcoming Desai had. Though he  remained a fit person all his life, many attribute certain fiascos made by him to his old age senility. Couple of things I remember vindicated that. One, he was accused of divulging some of our national secrets to General Zia, the military dictator of Pakistan, when the later would call him and flatter him by asking about the benefits of drinking urine. No sane, but senile person at the helm of affairs of a country would divulge nation's secret service assets to the leader of a hostile neighbor. No wonder Desai was conferred with "Nishan-e-Pakistan", the highest civilian award of Pakistan.

Two, when Jimmy Carter visited India in 1978, the US President told to his official sitting next to him that he didn't get a good impression of Desai, whom he found blabbering incoherently during their meeting. The man who drank his own piss, pissed off the Americans. It was an embarrassing diplomatic moment, as the microphone in front of Carter was not switched off and many could hear the conversation. 

Yet Mr. Desai will go down in history in creating history in many counts. He was the first person not from Congress party and not from the politically vital state of UP to be the Prime Minister of India. He was also the first person from the state of Gujarat to be the PM, not to mention the first person outside of the Gandhi clan to remain in power for a sizable duration of time (2 and 1/2 years). 

During his time the nation was relatively calm with no crisis in Punjab, Assam and Kashmir where terrorism raised its ugly head soon after Indira Gandhi regained power in 1980. The man left his mark in Indian politics in spite of being accused by the controversial American Author Seymour Hersh as a "Paid CIA Agent". He was riled to no end, threatening to file a defamation case against the writer in United States. It didn't happen, as he passed away not long the American made this revelation in his book. When I encounter a leap year, it is Morarjee Desai who comes to my mind, for he was born on February 29, which can only happen in a leap year.

RIP Uttam Mohanty

He was a prominent actor who delivered several hits to the Odia movie goers of our generation. Ever since the man from the small, nondescript North Odisha township of Baripada made it big with his first hit in the 1977 Odia movie Abhiman, he never looked back. Uttam Mohanty, arguably the first ever Odia superstar of Ollywood Industry died earlier today at a young age of 66.

I remember watching his first movie "Abhiman" inside a cold, dingy theater named "Ravi Talkies" on a winter night in 1977 hardly a mile from BJB Flats where we lived in Bhubaneswar. Barely 9 year old then I mostly slept through this black and white movie. But I still remember a beautiful song by the leading Odia singer of the time Akshay Mohanty "BHASA MEGHA MUJE BHASI JAE DURE" from that movie. When our family returned home that night after the evening show clinging to each other packed in a cycle rickshaw like sardines, the Ravi talkies Chhaka (Chowk) and Lewis Road now bustling with traffic looked like dark and dingy streets of a Ghost town. Now it could take you 10-15 minutes to cross the same junction with current traffic on a lucky day.

Those were the days. After Abhiman, Uttam Mohanty continued to produce hits, several of them first with actress Maheswata Ray as his opposite, followed by Aparajita whom he later married. This was when his contemporary challenger, the tall, handsome, smiling actor, the Rajesh Khanna of Odia movies Sriram Panda's life suddenly took a spiritual turn as he turned into some kind of a Baba (Mendicant). The other contender Prashant Nanda getting older with his rapidly receding hair and growing paunch slowly became misfit to be a hero when that generation preferred fitter, younger looking lads.

In these changing time the long nosed, backbrush hair styled Uttam Mohanty fitted perfectly to the expectation of the audience in a milieu whose preference shifted to angry young man image. Soon he became the darling of the masses, catapulted into superstardom of Ollywood, as Odia Film Industry is commonly known as. The popular couple of Uttam and Aparajita in reel and real life had a son named Babusan, presently an actor who was in news not long ago with controversies surrounding his extra marital affair with another actress.

It is rumored that Uttam Mohanty's wayward lifestyle and his alcohol ways led him to lead a reckless life which probably was the cause to his early demise. 66 is too young an age to go. As Rajesh Khanna has said in the movie Anand - "ZINDAGI BADI HONI CHAHIYE, LAMBI NAHI" (The life has to be lived big, not long). The man certainly carved in niche in Odia cinema leaving his indelible mark. May he RIP. Om 🕉 Shanti.

The unfortunate incident in KIIT

 Love it or hate it, social media is a great leveler. Gone are those days when high placed authorities with contacts use to manhandle folks in public and get away with impunity. Nowadays such a person will think hundred times before enacting misuse of power in public - lest some one records it on smartphone and takes it to the next level by making it viral. Beware, now anyone with a smartphone on hand is a citizen reporter. Now we have a classic case of manhandling or you can say woman - handling video surfacing on social media related to sad demise of a Nepali girl in the Republic of KIIT (not an overstatement) in the Patia area of Bhubaneswar. 

Every person has the right to live. It hurts utmost when someone commits suicide. And it hurts more, if that person happens to be young. Like every boy or girl of their age, they too have a dream, but unwisely decide to procrastinate their unfulfilled dream by killing themselves. When does a person decide to end his or her life ? It is not just because of the frustration with life, it's more due to their lack of care or concern for rest of the world, which includes their near and dear ones. If I ever feel suicidal for some reason, I may resist that thought for a moment, if I think about my family, if not me. Apparently they don't care about their loved ones and decide to end their life at spurt of the moment, never getting a second chance to regret it.

Suicides in college campuses are not uncommon. Surging teenage hormone gone wild can create havoc in heart and mind, which can be due to failure in romance, academics or bullying by others. It reminds me of the iconic movie 3 IDIOTS where a student kills himself due to his frustration at his project being pooh poohed by the Principal of the College. The student Rancho played by actor Aamir Khan complains about the mental stress the students undergo, leading to such avoidable tragedies. As the Principal gets defensive and refuses to take the blame, Aamir Khan replies - "I am rather blaming the entire system".

Now the King of Republic of KIIT, his henchmen and women are not only in a defensive mode, they have completely mishandled this issue. Well, mishandling would be an understatement, they have royally screwed up, caught with their pants or panties down. It takes me back down the memory lane to April, 1988 during my REC (Now in NIT) days. One fine morning there was some skirmishes between students in front of our hostel. A professor nicknamed DADA for his habit of bullying students perpetuated by a servile and kowtowing staff, was known to act more like a Sadak Chhap (street) goon than academic those days.

Our Dada suddenly barged into the hostel to take the situation into control. He was greeted with a volley of expletives by the students, provoking him by alleging him of having not so healthy relationship with his mother and sister. It was akin to showing a red flag to the Bull. The loud mouthed professor got mad and went around the hostel corridor, returning the compliments by immensely praising the mothers and sisters of the students. Standing barely 20 feet away I could clearly hear him - "Kaun MC Mujhe MC Bola. Arre Mein kiski Maa ko Ch**a Hoon. (Which MF told me I am a MF. Tell me whose mother I fcuked." If there were smartphones those days a student could have easily recorded the professor's act and put it live on the YouTube. That would have been sufficient to turn our DADA into a KHUDI (Feminine Dada) irreversibly from that day, defanging him forever. Now a professor will think a dozen times before doing such utterance in public.

Fast forward to present. The video of the goon looking fat bimbos of KIIT Republic badmouthing their Nepali students with condescending remarks has gone viral, even getting the notice of Prime Minister of Nepal, all thanks to the social media. Stories galore of goons of the infamous institute (many say the KIIT Adminstrative staffs are goons and/or pimps) who tried to burn the girl's Dupatta, a rope and erase her laptop and destroy her mobile, like a criminal tries to destroy evidences from the crime scene, scrambling to cover up the screw up of enormous magnitude.

Regardless the fiasco which is currently the hot news in my home state back home, Social media has become the real game changer, a double edged sword. Love it or hate it, better learn to live with it - for it is real and going to stick around. It may not have stopped all nuisance makers go scott free, certainly has acted as a huge deterrent.

Valentine's day and culture Vultures

 An old man was walking by a park in Delhi on Valentine's day. He saw several couples in different stages of undressing and varied degree of compromising positions. Reluctantly he walked towards a smooching duo and asked, "BETA, YEH KYA AAP KI SANSKRITI HAI" - "Son, is this your culture" ? He got this answer, "UNCLE. YEH POOJA HAI. SANSKRITI USS PED KE PEECHE HAI" - "Uncle. This is Pooja. Sanskriti is behind the other tree".

Come Valentine's Day, many couples get private in public places. It's also busy time for our self proclaimed culture custodians. Few years back I saw a picture of Bajrang Dal activists chasing away young love birds from a Park in Cuttack, Odisha on that fateful day of February 14. Not so long ago Hindu Mahasabha had given a well published call to disrupt Valentine's day.

Whether youngsters in India should or not celebrate Valentine's day is something we can agree to disagree. But as free citizens in a democracy, the Constitution has guaranteed them the Right for Peaceful Assembly. It is for their Parents/Guardians or Police to act if they pass the threshold of obscenity or immorality. But NOT you, the Bajrang Dalis or Hindu Mahasabha folks. We are not a theocratic Saudi Arabia or Iran, nor a Banana Republic, where as the moral police you have the authority to take laws into your own hands. And put it in simple terms - "Who the fcuk are you to be self proclaimed custodians of law" !

Sorry, guys. I have to disagree with your Modus Operandi. It's a well known fact that most of you are Anarchists and no custodian of culture, rather plain thugs. You have a vested interest in using such occasions to stay in limelight, some of you with the intention of getting a slice of the pie, e.g., indulging in extortion in form of touching, molesting and/or extracting money.

We don't need private militias to be our moral guides. Our civilization has survived many onslaughts for thousands of years - from marauding invaders to being ruled by occupying foreigners. It simply doesn't need any unsolicited protection from a bunch of ragtag, rowdy ruffians. Our heritage as I know is robust enough to survive yet many more years, without an iota of assistance from scums in the guise of "Culture Vultures" of your kinds.

If you really want to help our society we have a long list of dirty laundries to clean. Better get your act together. Don't waste your time and energy clearing Parks on Valentine's Days. Love or love making is purely a personal affair between two consenting adults. It's non of the business of Bajrang Dal, Hindu Mahasabha or Khap Panchayat to be in the business of personal love. Get a better sense of the civic sense, be the hallmark of a civilized society.

RIP Dr.Ramesh Raichoudhury

Cardiothoracic Surgeon and a founder of the Kalinga Hospital in Bhubaneswar, Dr. Ramesh Chandra Raichoudhury from New York, USA passed away yesterday. My family knew him personally, especially my father and my sister who were close to their family. He lived in Long Island where my sister attended one of his son's marriage. A thorough gentleman with unparalleled love for Odisha, with a laser focused drive to do something for his home state back home, he helped in establishing Kalinga Hospital in Bhubaneswar in the 1990s. 

Ramesh Mausa did coronary bypass surgery on my father's ailing heart at the Kalinga Hospital in the year 2000. I have met him couple of times in Bhubaneswar while accompanying my father. He was a very amicable, down to earth person. No ego, no aura of aggrandizement around him. A man of strong work ethics and a professional will to build a world class Hospital in Odisha, he finally saw his dream come true, ending up being one of the pioneers involved in building  Kalinga Hospital. The hospital was his brain child, the first of its kind in the poor state of Odisha. He managed to see it take shape in spite of serious hurdles placed in form of the bureaucracy in Odisha notorious for being inept and corrupt. 

In 2005 when I met him at Kalinga Hospital along with my father, I asked him his life as a doctor during his initial days in US. He fondly remembered how back in those days the insurance companies were very cooperative, approval of claims was shoo in, making the life of a doctor a whole lot easier. My small mind barely understood the nitty gritty details of all these, but could comprehend that the life was much healthier then than now. During the tete-a-tete my father took out a packet of "Gundi" (unscented raw tobacco) out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth. Dr. Raichoudhury mildly chastised my father to stop this bad habit as tobacco is harmful to health. I also followed Ramesh Mausa's suit echoing his concern. But it hardly affected my father as the doc's advice entered one ear and came out of the other. Now at 82, he still continues to liberally munches his "Gundi" to kick his bowel movement every morning, followed by several mouthfuls all day. 

Ramesh Mausa continued to actively serve Kalinga Hospital and Utkal Pradesh (state of Odisha) leaving no stone unturned well into his ripe age. May God give his family strength to bear the pain of bereavement of a rare gentleman doc who carved his niche. Om 🕉 Shanti.

Illegal immigrants dream turns nightmare

 A Bhakt's midwinter day dream. Mahaprabhu Modi calls his Fraand Dolaand and gives him a mouthful of BCMC "Gaali" (rebuke) for sending illegal immigrants handcuffed in a military plane to India. Fraand Dolaand trembled like a building in the middle of a Ritcher scale 7.0 earthquake and shat in his pants. He then assured our "Viswaguru" not only to stop further sending illegal immigrant back to India, bring back those already sent by sending them a one way Business Class ticket to the United States and a Green Card at the port of entry as compensation. 

Alas, non of these actually happened ! "KAANCH KI KHWAB HAI, PALKON MEIN TOOT JAYENGE (Dreams are made of glass, they shatter at twinkle of eye). Now dream shattered, here is some reality check as the American dream of many undocumented immigrants has turned into nightmare. India's Honorable External Affairs minister Sri Jaishankar has nodded his approval by saying that the illegal immigrants deported in handcuffs is part of America's SOP (Standard Operating Procedure). From Mahaprabhu's cabinet, I am sure Dr. Jaishankar is speaking his behalf as forget giving such a statement on his own, he can't even visit toilet without Mahaprabhu's permission. 

Also as confirmed by a friend who works in the medical field, many of these illegal immigrants have AIDS as they bed cheap prostitutes to fulfil their biological needs. It is quite understandable as they lead a lonely life, away from their land and wives, ever ready to fulfill their sexual desire when they get a chance. So it becomes imperative for Government of India to do STD (Sexual Transmitted Disease) and AIDS test on these returning individuals lest they don't pass it on to their wives and/or girlfriends. 

I am reminded of one certain individual of Indian origin who once boasted that before he dies he will screw all the pretty girls of the city. Not sure how far he succeeded in achieving his ambition, he certainly has earned a FRCS (F*ck*ing Round County Side) degree. When someone brought his sexual escapades to my attention, I threw my unsolicited advice for the females he beds to do a STD and AIDS test at the earliest. Folks listening to me had a good laugh. 

The same is applicable to the Returning Illegal immigrants. Sorry if I sound cruel and lacking empathy, what's illegal is illegal. Period. You enter a country as illegal, take advantage of their system, be a burden to the honest tax payers, you need to be penalized, not rewarded. In many countries reward comes in form of death penalty award for the illegal immigrants. In USA, at least you are transported on an Aircraft which costs no less than $4,500 a person, the cost of a normal Business Class return trip fare from USA to India. It's a fare deal folks, whether you arrive handcuffed or otherwise.

Military Cadence - Bawdy Jody

 I live close to the Ft.Moore (previously called Ft.Benning) Army base. One day I met one young US Marine who told me about cadences - the work songs sung while doing PT (Physical Training) in military. He was very candid about those, admitting without any remorse that more profane they were, more mojo it brought to their Amry workouts. One such story is about JODY, the fictitious doppelganger having all the pleasure at home at the expense of the poor G I Joe (American army guy) deployed abroad. Here is the limerick cadence dedicated to our JODY. 

Ain't no use going back

Jody's got your Cadillac

Ain't no use calling home

Jody got your girl and gone.

Ain't no use feeling blue

Jody's got your sister too.

He took away my faded Jeans

Now I am wearing Army Greens. 

The list doesn't end there. Many such bawdy ballads are attributed to an old man's lascivious escapades with a young girl. The Army Sergeant would yell these following limerick to motivate the young recruits - 

With Old man on bed, young girl had no clue.

But he f**ked and f**ked until he turned blue.

It was followed the marching Marines parroting these lines after him. It would keep the young soldiers going. No popular song or religious sermon can match these cadences to shrug off the jaded nerves of the army brats barely in their teens and twenties to march along. 

It is analogous to our Hindi counterpart used by folks back home in India to lift or pull any heavy object - 

LAGAO JOR HAIN SA,

JOR LAGAKE HAIN SA. 

Transliterated...

(Give it a big bang,

Give it a big hand). 

During my childhood I once saw a large electric pole getting installed close to a field near BJB Flats, Bhubaneswar where my father was quartered in. A bunch of laborers while trying to lift the heavy pole up on the ground chimed in unison - 

"KAALIA SANDHA HEINSA,

TA NAALIA B***A HEINSA". 

Roughly transliterated -

"Hail the Black Bull,

His Red Cock helps us Pull".

I am sure if this will be replaced by a stanza from Tulsidas Bhajan or Jagannath Janana they will hardly motivated, their adrenalin won't pump enough for them to get their job accomplished. The pole would never get installed in the ground. 

The Odia equivalent would be the famous or rather infamous chants locally called RATH BOLI (chariot chants) to enthuse the crowd during the annual Rath Yatra (car festival) in Puri. Those chants by the charioteer is now banned for being too salacious and replaced by sagacious Sanskrit SLOKAs (hymns). 

Titillating, naughty naughty humor relating to a old man's desire for a much younger girl in order to stimulate soldiers are abound from old times. In 1857 the British roped in  Balochis, Punjabi Muslims, Dogras, Gorkhas and Sikhs, a bulk of the Sardarjees forming the famed unit "Hudson's Horse" who fought gallantly along with the British to mercilessly quell the Sepoy Mutiny in Delhi. During the nights after consuming their ration of Rum and "Kukkad" (Chicken) the Sikh mercenaries would vigorously clap and sing a lewd Punjabi song ascribing a short, old man struggling to make love to a tall she camel. It motivated the tough Sikh fighters relieve their stress after a hectic day of fight. The "Goras" (Englishmen) would call General Hudson's trusted Sikh aide and ask him who he was, to which the innocent Sardar would answer in heavy Punjabi accent "I'm Hudson's Arse" (he was in Hudson's Horse unit). The "Firangies" (foreigners) would burst into bouts of laughter. 

The glut of smut about young women and much older men is not limited to military. During my college days in REC, Rourkela I had a Malayali roommate who would sing a loud song with half a dozen Keralites around him laughing in chorus. Curious me once asked him to translate the song to me. He went on recounting the saga of a Malayali old man's lustful desire for a 16 year old girl and so on. 

Bulls or Military Boys, nothing can actuate a man more than a bawdy jokes. Women crack salacious "AINSIA" (non-vegeg jokes as they say in India) too, but lot softer versions of their men counterpart, keeping them strictly to themselves (exceptions are some Punjabi ladies who can match the hard dirty jokes of their men). But the fact remains that raunchy lines can motivate a man to move a mountain more than any religious sermon.